Emergency service PTSD

Emergency Service PTSD

Not All wounds bleed.

It takes a different breed of person to be a volunteer firefighter. The time commitment in non-emergency operations alone is tremendous; In fact, Responding to calls makes up a very small percentage of one’s volunteer time.

Sadly, It is this small window of the hours logged that can have the most detrimental impact on a firefighter’s well being. Of course, there are the obvious physical dangers in firefighting; running into a burning building is serious business that’s for sure. Even though I was well aware of the potential physical danger, I was oblivious to the silent injury rarely discussed; the mental injuries I call emergency service PTSD.

This, not so well known injury that some firefighters are impacted by is a debilitating injury known as  Post Traumatic-Stress disorder (PTSD) A tragic consequence of helping one’s community; unfortunately for some, It can end up being their ultimate sacrifice.

the notion that “a” single traumatic event is a must when diagnosing PTSD.

It’s quite understandable, we, those in the emergency services, see things that no human should ever have to see. However, someone has to step forward and do it. While this may be true, all these brave souls can hope for is that they get to the end of their service relatively unscathed. But for those not so lucky, It can be heartbreaking, mind-numbing and something that keeps them up at night.

Great Podcast recommendation: Bunker Gear For The Brain

I am by no means an expert on trauma and PTSD, however, I live it every day and as a result, my path to my mental health injury was likely not incident-specific.

20 former military and emergency services tell their story, that of their struggle with PTSD. Pick up your copy below.

Therefore, I tend to believe that there may be room to include emergency service PTSD in a category that reflects the damage inflicted; damage that comes as a result of being witness to multiple critical incidents. Exposure over an extended period of time doesn’t seem to fit the criteria the DSM-5 Diagnostic and Statistics Manual is looking for.

The American Psychiatric Association defines post-traumatic stress disorder(PTSD) as a psychiatric disorder that can occur in people who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic event such as a natural disaster, a serious accident, a terrorist attack, war/combat, rape or other personal violent assaults.

Think you might have PTSD? GO HERE.


Because EMS workers tend to have prolonged and repetitive exposure, the notion that “a” single traumatic event is a must when diagnosing PTSD, may not do these brave souls justice. In fact, it may leave a portion of the traumatized diagnosed because it may be hard to discern that one particular incident.

Like what you are reading? Try PTSD and It’s Startle Response

From my own experience, those accumulated scenes can play out in nightmares that are not incident-specific and are not recalled with any real regularity. Sometimes I awake feeling like I just re-lived a fire service memory in real life. I can’t recall the dream but I know the numbing angst of PTSD well.

I truly believe that emergency service PTSD could well be a subcategory of the original definition.

Recently, I have learned that I am not the only firefighter who is haunted by their traumatic experiences in this way. Other firefighters have told me that they have similar experiences. Many describe their symptoms as accumulative and can not nail it down to just one event.

They also report creating emergencies in their heads as they navigate throughout their day. For example, speeders on the highway tend to piss us off. Many EMS workers hate to see people speed because they are well aware of the consequences of this behaviour. All they can think about is the potential situation the speeder is putting them in. “Jerk is going to kill someone and I’m going to be forced to help.”


I truly believe that emergency service PTSD could well be a subcategory of the original definition. We relive our most horrific incidents directly or indirectly ( the speeder scenario). We don’t suffer from “a” specific trauma, we dream and replay many incidents we tried to fix. These incidents impact us sometimes moment by moment as we pretend they don’t exist.

“Not All wounds bleed”

I want to take the time to thank everyone in the emergency service community who risks their mental health with every call to action. From firefighters, paramedics, police to dispatches, nurses and doctors….. Thank you!

If you are suffering from PTSD or another mental illness, please reach out. I thank you for your service and you are still worthy and mean something more people than you know.

If you are struggling please go here: Crisis Services Canada

Want help fund my book? donate: GOFundMe – The Road To Mental Wellness – The book

You may also enjoy: The Mental Health Work Injury Called PTSD

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The Mental Health Work Injury

As I rise this morning and prep my morning coffee, I began to hear sirens off in the distance, lots of them. They are fire trucks. After fifteen years in the fire service, they are unmistakable to these veterans’ ears.

At one time, hearing them responding to chaos would produce a flow of adrenaline and kick my passion for helping others into high gear; now, they are replaced with fear, angst and a numbing dread, all produced by PTSD. Often times it sends me into a mental health crisis and holds me captive for the remainder of the day. For coping strategies for PTSD go here:

The sounds of sirens cutting through the silence of the early morning air, evoke in me such a range of conflicting emotions. Not only does it produce feelings of body numbing, anxiety, racing thoughts and fear, it also, makes me very angry, sad and lost. Perhaps the hardest feeling of all is the feeling abandoned by those whom I believed to be my brothers and sisters of the service. The sound of sirens is an instant reminder of the sacrifices I made, time lost with family, and the mental work-related injury that I sustained while in the course of my duties.
Moreover, they are an instant, PTSD triggering reminder that I have essentially been left behind. So, I am angry on two fronts, this intense feeling of being forgotten, and I am pissed because I love the fire service, it’s in my blood and shall always be woven into the fabric of my being. Having this resides in my heart angers me because I knew that when those bay doors closed behind me for the last time, I knew that it was indeed the end. I am now a mere shadow of my former self and a distant memory by those I battled the beast with.

The mental health work injury called PTSD has destroyed millions and disrupted the lives of those who have been touched by its symptoms. Yet, like all forms of mental illness, it goes unrecognized as a legitimate work-related injury within the service. But I ask you. How is it different from any other injury? Its constant pain, its, in my case, injured me to the degree that I am not able to work, it’s managed by health care professionals; it also requires accommodation, symptom management and requires one to learn how to adapt their life to move on from dreams and passion they once were able to do with ease. Now replace mental illness with any physical injury; broken back, head injury etc. Now apply the requirements above to these physical injuries; symptom management, constant pain….. Again I ask you, How are they different from any other injury? THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE. Wondering if you

Might have Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD?) check here, Signs and symptoms of PTSD.

Want help fund my book? donate: GOFundMe – The Road To Mental Wellness – The book

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“I feel like a discarded garden, left to wither and die”.

You may also enjoy: PTSD: The Impact Of Stigma On Firefighters

Please note: that if you think you may have PTSD, please contact your health care provider and talk to them. I highly recommend you request a referral to your mental health services.
There are also resources out there to help, organizations like Sick Not Weak, a non-profit dedicated to supporting persons with mental illness.

You may also enjoy: Spontaneous Mental Combustion

Contact me on my Facebook page: facebook.com/TRTMW

PTSD And The Impact Of Stigma On Firefighters.

For fifteen years of my life, I had the great honour of being part of the volunteer fire service family. I, like most people who sign up, caught the fire service fever. As a result, it got into my blood and still runs through my veins to this day.

As far as I am concerned, there is no greater service one can be a part of in terms of making a difference in one’s community. The sacrifice one must make to volunteer their time is tremendous. It requires hours of training and fundraising and that’s just a drop in the bucket.  Despite the hours and hours of service time I logged, I loved each and every second of it, good times and bad. If you’re interested in becoming a volunteer firefighter, contact your local fire department for an application. A basic look at requirements here: Volunteer firefighter requirements.

 Being a firefighter has taught me so much, lessons that have been transferable to other parts of my life. One of the most valuable lessons being that you need to take care of what’s in front of you regardless of its challenge. The tragic events that often come with signing up leave you little choice but to simply get it done, hunger, sleep, the need to use the bathroom be damned. Nonetheless, it completely satisfied my love for helping others.

Despite my love for the service, years and years of mentally and physically ingesting the tragedies of others has ended up being my last and most personal sacrifice as a firefighter. I was recently diagnosed with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD. Sadly, I am no longer an active member because of this and debilitating illness.

What adds salt to the wounds of my mental illness is the feeling that I have been unintentionally left out in the cold by those who claimed that the fire department members are all one big “family”. I mean no disrespect, many facets of society have not yet made the connection that PTSD and mental illnesses as a whole are real, bona fide illnesses. Its symptoms are many and produce constant pain. I often refer to this as chronic mental pain.

So, I have felt and continue to feel the impact of stigma on firefighters to this day. I find I’m continuously asking myself; why is there a pervasive silence when it comes to talking about PTSD firefighter to a firefighter? Well, it always felt to me like people wanted to reach out, wanted to make sense of what they were experiencing but really didn’t know-how. Traumatic incidents by their very nature are difficult to make sense of, the brain works hard to make puzzle pieces fit in a puzzle they were not designed for. How do you even begin to talk about that? Where does one start?

I really feel like the stigma is fuelled by the lack of knowledge and trained people on-site to deal with PTSD’s complexities. Sure, there are debriefings sometimes but few compared to the frequency of alarms and some calls go unrecognized as a critical incident. How does a department recognize that trauma impacts people differently? A seemingly small incident may be enough to cause serious mental damage to one but not another. Well, in short, we need trained members who have the skill sets to be able to recognize the signs that someone is in trouble. This training should be made as much a priority as SCBA training and fall under the direction of the department safety officer. Trained personal will fill in the gap when a crisis debriefing team is not necessary for the majority of members. Although people are silent now, it may break the ice to discuss strategies to implement such a training program.

Because we are helpers and because we are problems solvers, the tendency is to try to fix someone with whatever we have in a vocabulary. We often try to help our brothers and sisters by saying things that range from; “Just stop thinking about it”, to “that’s what you signed up for.” Sometimes it starts out with; “You Know what I do?”  or “Let’s go get a beer.” None of these are very helpful for someone who is struggling; people just want to be heard and supported. They want to be supported by being checked in regularly, hand them a number to a crisis counsellor, that kind of thing. It’s not our job to fix our members but it is our responsibility to recognize a problem and direct them to the right resources.

Need help? Not yet ready to venture outside? Start here: online-therapy.com

So, I feel that the impact of stigma on firefighters and PTSD  has a lot to do with failure to recognize it and thus causing a failure to act. When our members, those brave women and men who sign up and risk their lives need our help, need something more than awkward silence and misplace but well-intentioned advice. They need to be given the tools to be supported by professionally facilitated peer groups, frequent education on the subject and individual therapies. After all, they are sacrificing a huge chunk of their personal lives, lets not abandoned them, shame them or think they are weak. We are in the business of saving lives and minimizing human suffering, yet we fail to see that our commitment to our communities is putting our own lives in jeopardy, our biggest emergency is that of our own and for some of us, It is our final alarm.

You May Also enjoy: You, Me And PTSD

 Contact Email: The Road To Mental Wellness

If you are suffering from PTSD, please reach out. I thank you for your service and you are still worthy and mean something. I believe in you!

If you are struggling please go here: Crisis Services Canada