Hang in, there is hope.

Hang in, there is hope.

For those with PTSD, sleep can be their enemy; plagued by a past, one that steps into their dreamland and tears through it like a tornado. Hang in, there is hope.

While there is some sort of expectation that I will remember the nightmares from my attempts at slumber, this is simply not the case. What it does is bring me back to the realm of the woken world is an intense, heavy feeling that denies me a great night’s sleep. This, of course, rejuvenates PTSD’s other life interrupting symptoms. There is hope!

The eyes deceive us, for the only know what’s in front of them.

While my past traumatic events follow me around like some lost demon puppy, there is an upside. I know, you’re thinking; Whaaat! but hear me out. First off, trauma sucks, always… But I am grateful that I experience a reprieve from its torture. I am glad to have those good days and sometimes, great weeks.

Now, with that said, I find this dastardly bastard has its hands wrapped around what was a long period of peace, systematically throwing me back into a terrifying yet familiar place.

Hang in, there is hope.

Luckly, I am a keen observer and can sort of tell when my memories of rendering aid to others in my fire service days, is slowly boiling its way to the surface. I gues the best way to communicate this to the outside of the mental illness world, is like this:

Listen to more mental health related stories at Men Are Nuts podcast

In modern times, we know when there’s a huge storm heading our way. And while it may be wreaking havoc hundreds of miles away, we still are, at least, cognitively aware that it is coming.

However, to look outside your window, you would never know. Perhaps where you are is sunny with blue skies dominating over your head. For, me, I think to myself; “It’s hard to believe that there is a storm heading our way.” Visually, the eyes deceive us, for the only know what’s in front of them.

However, as the storm gets closer, we start to see suttle changes; the blue sky is colored in by an ever-darkening shade of grey and a breeze is now detectable upon our face. And as the storm draws closer, so too does our anxiety intensify; until finally the storm has descended down on us.

A storm, it is a brewin

This real-world occurrence perfectly describes the mental health storm that slowly bares down on me at times. It does so in the following ways:

  1. Firstly, I start off with the most beautiful of days; I feel so good in fact, I almost feel cured.
  2. Then though, as time passes and as I encounter the busyness of the world, I start to feel the storm blowing in; slowly but surely.
  3. As my anxiety rises from the impending storm, I feel my startle response become heightened to the degree where every sudden movement, ever little noise, brings me out of my chair. It’s usually at this juncture that the flashbacks occur. (the storm is moving in).
  4. Finally, nightmares, little sleep, and a very low tolerance for any sort of interaction ensues; this is the hight of the PTSD storm and the point where I seek safety, my bedroom. At this point, the only thing I can do is hunker diwn and wait for the storm to pass.

Looking for help? Go to our Mental Health Resources Page

The take away? Well, I have learned a lot by having this sort of ebb and flow or up and down if you will. As a result, I now know that, like storms in real life, mental health storms pass aswell.

While this may be true, it certainly doesn’t feel that way when you’re encountering the full force of post-traumatic stress disorder. What I try to do is keep in mind that I have ALWAYS weathered the storm.

So, with a survival rate of a hundred percent, I can say that I am doing awesome; I am happy to be here to have written this. Similarly, if you are reading this, then you also have a hundred precent survival success rate, I’m so happy that you’re here; Hang in, there is hope.

Like what you read? Then the book I help write as a contributing author may be for you:

20 stories of those from Military and or emergency services.
pre order today!

About the Book

Created by Josh Rivedal and Kathleen Myre,  Lemonade Stand: Vol. III is a compilation of  20 stories from those who have served in the emergency services and the military.  In it, the authors talk about their battles with PTSD, a debilitating and for many, a life-long mental illness.  So, If you are from the military or emergency service’s, perhaps this book can help you combat the feelings of isolation and fear that frequently comes with  post-traumatic stress disorder. Sometimes, just knowing that their are others out there, just like you, can provide you with the strength and courage to speak up and or get the help you need. The intention of  this book is to help with that….You’re not alone.

Also,  Lemonade Stand: Vol III was written to help combat the stigma that often accompanies mental illness, best of all, it attempts to give all you served their countries and communities a voice… Which is amazing!


Lemonade Stand Vol. III on The Road To Mental Wellness.

This too shall pass.


If you are struggling please go here: Crisis Services Canada

Want help fund my book? donate: GOFundMe – The Road To Mental Wellness – The book

You may also enjoy: The Mental Health Work Injury Called PTSD

Contact me on my Facebook page: facebook.com/TRTMW

The Power of PTSD Overtaken

Sometimes PTSD is just too strong

When one has suffered from the pangs of mental illness long enough, one can start to feel when the tide of normality has shifted, and an impending flood of diagnosed psychological symptoms are not far off and will make their inevitable return.

I can feel this shift within, right now as I commit to this blog post; it boils up from somewhere deep down as if the world around me was shaking my symptoms lose from my core. I hate it.
I am having real trouble negotiating my way through the world as of late, the sound of diesel trucks roaring by envoke anger and the sounds of sirens serve as a reminder for, not only what I have had to give up, but as so why I am where I am at present. PTSD is not kind and monumentally difficult to shut off.
Despite being overwhelmed, overstimulated and a bit agitated by my surroundings, I’m trying. I decided it would be a good idea to go for a walk but the everyday comings and goings of early morning town traffic were put in their place and taken over by loud, ear-piercing sirens. In the mental mindset, I am in, the wail of an ambulance caused a short blip in time. I disassociated, checked out for a moment and unfortunately for me, I missed the crosswalk that leads to a quiet and beautiful walking trail that surrounds a protected marsh.
When I mentally re-emerged, I realized that I had missed the route to the walking trail by a long shot and opted to walk the block instead. I was so overwhelmed by the world around me that It felt like it was some sort of battleground, every noisy car, every bang and clang feel like chaos to me, the world felt aggressive and I was feeling threatened by the noise of the traffic.

sadly,  I’m still being overtaken by a beast that I have yet tame. I am trying to reintegrate myself into a world that is far too busy to understand that people like me can’t thrive in a world that doesn’t see the damage that lies just below the skin. Again, I will carry on.

Treatment for PTSD

My lesson? It’s clear to me that I should have taken the time to venture back to the peace and serenity of the marsh because I knew how I was feeling, thus I knew what was best for me, yet I ignored it. Sometimes I think we push ourselves in this world because we want to be a part of it, to be OK with it.

I must accept that I am not as far along as I want to be, Accept that I can only take on the world in small doses. It’s maddening and it’s upsetting but at the same time, it is what it is. At least I know where I stand and I will continue to place my mental shield over my face and plow through my PTSD and the anxiety

Please, keep fighting the good fight, remember, it will take grit, getting to know your symptoms and what you can tolerate. Once you know your triggers and how you feel about them you can adapt at the moment to help you get closer to mental wellness.

if you are suffering from PTSD or another mental illness, please reach out. I thank you for your service and you are still worthy and mean something. I believe in you!

If you are struggling please go here: Crisis Services Canada

Want help fund my book? donate GOFundMe – The Road To Mental Wellness – The book.

Trauma Specialist, Dr. Jeffery Hosick: jeffreyhosick.com

You may also enjoy: The Mental Health Work Injury Called PTSD

Contact me on my Facebook page: facebook.com/TRTMW

After A Good Run

Today, I find myself sitting in the ER waiting room. Surprisingly, I’m the only one sitting here. It’s nice and quiet which comes as a relief to my nervous system but as you know, there are so many things that can be triggering for PTSD, the location being one of them.

I am waiting for a loved one to see a medical professional for an ailment. As I wait, I find myself wrestling with my mental health medical condition, PTSD. This hospital setting reminds me of my own work environment as they have many similarities, I work in long term care, helping those with mental illness and aggressive tendencies. My workplace has been a significant contributor to the erosion of my mental health. It’s loud, fast-paced and very overstimulating. Practically every aspect of my occupation is toxic to the post-traumatic brain. How PTSD and Trauma Affect Your Brain Functioning – Psychology Today
I slugged along in this mentally taxing environment for as long as I could but found that it wasn’t powerful enough to sustain the mental shield, the one I took to work every day. Essentially, I was being mentally assaulted every time I stepped foot in the building.
Eventually, the strength and endurance I once prided myself on had taken such a psychological beating that I had to surrender to survive. I am off work, employing everything I can think of to regroup, rebuild and regain my life back.
Sitting here in this ER, my mind is in overdrive, its side effects, are a numbing feeling that is fighting to disassociate, so I can cope with my surroundings. Moments come flooding back to mind that my workplace had imprinted on my memory; tragic moments of death and violence.
Ironically, as I sit there, writing this blog post, the speaker above my head erupts with a call for a code for a violent individual on the psych unit. This unit is very similar to the one  I work on. As you may have guessed, it’s exacerbating the PTSD symptom; now I am triggered, gone completely numb and have disassociated even more. Sorry, I no longer have the capacity to continue.

…….. Several days later..  Initially, when I found I was no longer able to continue writing this I thought I would conclude it right where I had left it but then I thought; “I need to add how I got through the mental health, almost crisis moment.” Perhaps my efforts to forgo a crisis may be of use to you.

I first off recognized that I was starting to get numb like local aesthetic that slowly starts to dull your physical pain. I was numbing to my surrounds in order to try to stay in the waiting room, this dissociation never works. At that moment, I had to ask myself “What Do I have to do in this very moment to help me get through it?” Recognizing and coping with PTSD (Verywell minded).

The following things helped me to get through it. I went outside to get some fresh air. – Doing this allowed me to, not only get fresh air but because I was outside I was able to take slow, deep breaths. As I did this I could feel my symptoms subside before I knew it I was able to return inside. This proved very helpful but because of the long wait, I found that it only acted as a temporary fix.

In the Valley where I live, I have mapped out many of the quiet cafes, libraries and other low stimulus atmospheres in the event I need to seek refuges from my anxiety and PTSD, or, more specifically, the causal factors that amplify my symptoms. Luckily, one of these low stimulus cafes was close by; good thing too as I needed to seek its shelter. I jumped in my car and headed there. After taking the time I needed, I found that I was able to get through it the day and avoided a crisis.

 So when you find yourself in the mental thick of it, perhaps the things I employ in those moments can help you too. Map out the low stimulus places, cafes, libraries and natural settings In your area so when you are faced with a triggering scenario you have options, thus a feeling of some control. I tend to think of them as mental illness shelters. Sometimes, the best thing you can have when you have a mental health condition is a plan.

If you are suffering from PTSD or another mental illness, please reach out. I thank you for your service and you are still worthy and mean something. I believe in you!

If you are struggling please go here: Crisis Services Canada
Contact me on my Facebook page: facebook.com/TRTMW