The Mental Health Solution

Those who read The Road To Mental Wellness with any amount of regularity, are probably starting to see that I am willing to do whatever it takes to win this battle against mental illness. In fact, I refuse to be a passive observer in my own life. I will not let PTSD, depression and anxiety enslave me to the degree where I can not have at least shorter moments where I get to live and enjoy my life.
So, the mental health solution continues, or at least the battle does. After months and months of waiting, I am finally taking part in a coping skills group. read  Mental Health Care, worth the wait. This group is designed to teach mindfulness skills, it will strive to teach me how to steer myself back into the present moment. 
See, ruminating in the past or worrying about the future, a future that is made of pure fantasy because it is yet to happen, robs one of what’s happening in the now. A good example is when everyone gathers around the Christmas tree on Christmas day. we could be consumed with the anxiety over the money we spent on the kids or we can stop, look around at the people we love and take in the special gathering.
Surrendering our emotions to anxiety or anxiety disorders gives it permission to highjack the moments in our lives, from the mundane to those special occasions that we carry with us for the rest of our lives. 
Looking back at some of the moments I lost to anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder, I always regret not immersing myself in what was happening at that time. Every time we stop to take part in the meaningful moments in our lives, a beautiful memory is made.
It helps to know that the human mind wanders, that’s what it does and as a result, is prone to be distracted. Once one knows this, they can stop being their own worse enemy because it’s nor their fault. If you start to wander, bring yourself back to the now, as many times as you need to

Although I may not be keen on being in a group process with thirteen strangers, tough! I need to get better; therefore, I can’t simply sit back and pick and chose or worse, refuse. I know that it can take months to get help so, I see this as a golden opportunity to get better.

Despite the fact that this is a long road to mental wellness, make referrals, follow up with phone calls if you haven’t heard back from your mental health organization, your determination will pay off. I’m rooting for you.

if you are suffering from PTSD or another mental illness, please reach out. I thank you for your service and you are still worthy and mean something. I believe in you!

If you are struggling please go here: Crisis Services Canada

Bumps In The Wellness Road.

Today, I was informed that I was not going to receive rehabilitative supports from my work insurance because I am on workers’ compensation. Learning this triggered my PTSD and sent my anxiety into high gear, causing it to make up a disastrous future scenario well before finding out any real answers from the source. Although my insurance company from work not providing me supports because the majority of my recovery is being handled by worker’s compensation is understandable, it nonetheless, wreaked havoc on me psychologically. 

When I spoke to the insurance company and got all the details,
what they told me was reasonable and fair. Yet despite this, it still evoked a traumatic reaction that my body interpreted as a threat and whether real or imaginary. I am left with its undesirable repercussions.
This scenario reminded me today of all the bumps in the mental wellness road I have encountered along the way. It’s amazing how the smallest speed bump can morph into a major heave in the pavement. That being said, I am proud to say that I have been able to conquer them all. I have gone to battle countless times on my own behalf, so many times in fact that I have to, by now, be able to claim the status of a mental illness warrior. It has been so difficult getting past the roadblocks but has been a necessary part of my survival and worth every painful moment. 
What makes the hurtles to help so strenuous is that I am not always up for the battle. The dark fog of anxiety or the feelings of dread as well as the numbness and reactivity left from PTSD, leave me with little mental strength to take on those who have a responsibility to ensure that they don’t award out claim monies to every applicant that fills out a claim. 
They have so many requirements and loopholes it’s not an easy process. It’s enough to raise the anxieties of the healthiest of folk. If you don’t fight for it, you will lose the opportunity to get what you need. 
I decided that I would take them on when I was able when I felt strong and mentally up for the task. Like many other aspects of my life, self-care has to be made the priority. Taking them on when I was able paid dividends. Taking time for me, I was able to go the distance and advocate for myself with resolve. Pushing myself full tilt would have ended in me losing my mental health battle because I would have given up and accepted defeat.
Go slow, know your limits

So, know your limits but never let anyone stand in your way to get better. It will be a long and painful ordeal, it doesn’t all have to be taken care of in one day. Just always remember, you are worth more than you think you are and deserve to get the help you need. Those days when you are feeling weak are nothing more than recoup days from a good day’s fight. Keep going! Your mental wellness is there for the taking.

You may also enjoy: Apologize For What, Being ill?

You may also enjoy: I am vulnerable: I’m good with that.

Contact me on Facebook:

Learn more about knowing your limits here: The Good Man Project

Discover New Passions

The heavy dread of mental illness confines me into the perpetual act of absolute avoidance and in doing so, denies me the quality of life that  I so long for. I have been suffering from anxiety, depression and PTSD for so long now that a normal shot at happy seems as far fetched as winning the lottery.

A very sad way of seeing it, but the fact is it’s hard not to feel this way. I feel like I’m continuously on an elevator going from the basement floor to the first floor, then back to the basement floor again. This elevator analogy is a good representation of how my mental wellness journey is going. I seemingly start to make my way towards healing only to have the doors slam shut and then I am forced to the dark and isolating basement once more.

I can’t speak for anyone else suffering from a mental disorder but I can tell you that for me, this constant glimmer of hope, this peek at an opportunity of realizing a full and rich life once more, then having the fear, heavy dread and anxiety forced me to the bottom floor, thus robbing me of a sense of normalcy, only amplifies all of the symptoms I suffer from. I do have a lot of professional supports in place however, the systems in which govern them can sometimes slow these supports to a crawl. This is nothing sort of mental torture at times, the byproduct of this torture is emotional degradation, a direct hit on my affect. The biggest tragedy of it all is the exacerbation of all the mental illnesses themselves. So for example, my depression robs me of the joy of those things I used to love and looked forward to. Everything has systematically had the shine stripped off of it and worsened by this wait.

Then what can I do to find the passion for life again? Where can I go to find the self that used to love fitness and nutrition? two of the things I had a passion for. I used to feel great sadness for having lost the drive for these things, and I still do to some degree but I feel like I can’t stand idle waiting for the love for them to return, what if they never do? I have decided that instead of mourning these losses, it was better for me to take action. I decided that I have a need to discover new passions. I have been on a mission to do just that ever since.

I discovered that finding new passions requires effort, nonetheless, I embarked on the unknown. Interestingly enough, the idea of looking for a new “thing” to fall in love with gave me the shot in the arm I needed. I have always had this need to create, a need that I constantly denied. It was always floating around in the back of my head, longing to break free but my fears always held my true desire captive.

My passion: Writing about mental illness.

What is this passion you ask? well, you’re reading it. I have always wanted to write, so I went for it. Being off work I had nothing to lose and nothing constructive to do and so, The Road To Mental Wellness was born. It has ignited a small flame in my heart, one just large enough to keep me going. I am hopeful that it will be the catalyst that will propel me down the road to wellness.

maybe you have a need to find new passions too?