Woke up exhasted

Woke up exhausted.

Today, I woke up exhausted!

Today as my feet hit the floor, it didn’t take long to realize that I woke up exhausted. Partially because this is how I always wake up. Even on that super rare occasion when I sleep well, I’m still plagued with this chronic and very disappointing tired.

This morning however, it feels like I am done, the tank is on empty. No wonder! With my life in such upheaval at the moment; it is imperative that I get a break. I feel mental illnesses’ intensity, worse than ever. For this reason, I NEED to find a peaceful, low stimulus environment.

Rally Point Retreat – A retreat for those who are in the military, emergency and or other areas of service like those working in ER’s and 911 operators who have PTSD Located in Lock port, NS

Woke up exhausted
Woke up exhausted.

You know, the damnedest thing about it all is? As of late, whether its good emotion or bad, the result is still the same. Like that of the fuel being burnt in a supercar going at top speed, I quickly expend every ounce of energy I have just trying to navigate through the day.

The good news? Is, I know for certain that I’ve exceeded what I am capable of doing. Therefore, I know for certain that I can do no more. At least until I get a break. Reboot his old bugger.

Listen to people tell their stories at A New Dawn Podcast

Perhaps frustratingly so, today, we humans are not very good at understanding that we are not designed to be perpetual motion machines. Far from it In fact. We are programmed for rest, as are most animals on earth. Basically, we just can’t keep going and going and going. Yet despite the fact that, on some level, we know this, we push on and on and on.

The results? Burnout or worse. Mental neglect can make us m more susceptible to not only physical illness, but also mental illness too. The longer we go, the harder we push, the greater the odds of illness.

How to minimize burnout

Simple right? Wrong! At least for many of us. Without tending to our own needs, listening and responded appropriately to ourselves; we end up in a world of mental trouble. Take me for example, ignoring and pushing forward against my troubles, led me to where I am today; sitting in the parking lot waiting for my psychologist appointment full of PTSD. I have shut and succumb to my refusal to slow down as of late. Sometimes, like one with a physical ailment, once I start to feel better, I push too hard. Yes, with PTSD, there is a price to pay for doing too much.

The Road To Mental Wellness is made possible in part by readers like you… thank you for your support.

This is precisely why I woke up exhausted this morning. Despite having a great sleep, my head feels like a fifty pound kettle bell and my mind is full of mental carbon and angst.

The way I figure it, this tired and foggy disposition will be part of my reality for the foreseeable future. So, if that’s the case, I must accept it and live within its parameters. I will simply work on self-improvement on the days I am able and fight my way through the exhaustion…. You keep going too, ok?

Lemonade Stand Vol 3 – It’s a busy time!

Out promoting Lemonade Stand Vol 3. 20 authors tell their story, that of PTSD as a result of serving in the military and or emergency services.

Lemonade stand

Order Today!

Lemonade Stand: Vol III was written to help combat the stigma that often accompanies mental illness, best of all, it attempts to give all you served their countries and communities a voice… Which is amazing!

Lemonade Stand Vol III

Order today

If you are struggling please go here for help: Crisis Services Canada

OR

Checkout our Mental Health Resources Page

Contact me on my Facebook page: The Road To Mental Wellness

Walking towards the sirens
The sound of sirens, shatter the beauty all around me but today, …
Leave me the f*** alone!”
Damn PTSD robs me of my sleep and thus torpedoes my mental …
More Important Than Ever
Finding my purpose has become more important than ever if I am …
Unsurmountable odds.
when faced with unsurmountable odds, we in the emergency services do whatever …
LEAVE ME THE F*** ALONE!"

Leave me the f*** alone!”

Just leave me the F*** alone

One thing that I have always found both sad and interesting about my own mental health journey; is the paradigm between the health benefits of sleep and the lack thereof. Just imagine how much better life would be if nightmares didn’t constantly intrude on good night sleep?

It certainly appears to me, that the key to better mental health is a solid regime of good night’s sleep over a long period of time. It is often said that consistency is key. This, as far as I can tell, especially holds true for good mental health and the quality of rest one receives.

Benefits of sleep on mental health.

It’s damn sad really, this thing called PTSD. As time goes on I’ve grown to loath it yet, I have failed over and over to put distance between myself and the most tragic, and painful scenes I have ever strapped on the gear and responded to.

Read: Nightmares Aftermath.

Often, I hear myself saying inside my head, “please, just leave me the f*** alone!” Similarly, I find myself verbalizing near identical statements when flashbacks invade my mind, my eyes and my heart. Especially when I’m driving.

A complete list of PTSD symptoms.

LEAVE ME THE F*** ALONE!"
LEAVE ME THE F*** ALONE!”

Well it’s true, cursing and swearing, yelling and retreating never seems to be the cure; it is nonetheless is my desperate effort at trying to get through some of the most unbearable and vivid memories. Oh, and I would give anything to have my physical symptoms disappear. I get tired of having headaches, random extremity pains and this god-awful tightness that is so bad, my back and shoulders are full of knots.

The Road To Mental Wellness is made possible in part by readers like you… thank you for your support.

With all this said, I will once again close my eyes and begin the long nightly ritual of tossing and turning, of waking and being frightened. Not only will I try tonight with the hope that tonight will be “the night,” I will continue tomorrow night and the night after and the night after that. For I have purpose, I have love and I am supported. Therefore, I shall find the strength too soldier on.

ABOUT THE BOOK

It’s finally ready.

I am excited to share that the i’Mpossible Project’s Lemonade Stand: Volume III (is available for order… today. Like, right now

I’ll be honest: This is pretty big. I, Josh, and Kathleen, have been curating this book for more than a year—fiddling with the right combination of stories, authors, and concepts. Kathleen and I have put our everything into this book. Absolutely everything. And you’re getting a little of us as well as the twenty incredible authors and stories when you get this book. It was exhausting and wonderful and a once-in-a-lifetime process to produce this book, and I am just now getting the confirmation I hoped for: It was all so incredibly worth it. Thank you for that. 

Josh Rivedal and Kathleen Myre

Order today

If you are struggling please go here for help: Crisis Services Canada

OR

Checkout our Mental Health Resources Page

Contact me on my Facebook page: The Road To Mental Wellness

A Critical Incident, yours?
While faced with memories of a critical incident or more, should we …
a difference a day makes.
I’m always amazed by what a difference a day makes. In the …
A Moment of Disassociation
a moment of disassociation.
A Side Effect
A few months ago I met with a chap who opened up …
Sunset

More Important Than Ever

Finding my purpose has become more important than ever.

Thanksgiving of 2017 was a life-changing moment for me and not in a good way; at least not entirely. What started out as a warm and joyous occasion with family, ended with a young man’s last moments on earth. Upon hearing that there was an emergency on the front step of my aunt’s apartment building, I leaped into action.

Sadly though, I would be met with a wall of numbness and disassociation, rendering me unable to assist the young man. As a result, on this cool thanksgiving evening, the firefighter and long term care working in me died; leaving a shell of a man, standing beside himself, very, very, lost.

Symptoms Of PTSD

As much as I tried to shake it off and shut it down, like the big tough firefighter I thought I was, I could not. My nightly dance with the nightmares was too strong of a force to contend with; the flashback would damn near send me of the road and made it increasingly more difficult to bear. What’s more, my workplace was fraught with violence, and near constant noise. With this threat of being assaulted a constant and coupled with this noise, the new, not so cable self, was defenceless against its over stimulation. Essentially, I lived in zombie land, shut off so as to protect the shards of me that remained.

adventure beach lost man
Photo by Snapwire on Pexels.com – More important than ever.

Now, in twenty-twenty, I have only made baby steps down the road to mental wellness; with that said, I’d be lying if I said that there wasn’t a part of me that’s not saddened and frustrated. After all, I should be cured by now right? Wrong!

When PTSD Catches Up

With PTSD producing all this internal chaos; or, as I like to call it, the mental health storm of the century, I am left in a quandary. A battle that leaves me struggling to define who I am. Since I had no say in the “new me” I have no idea which direction to take. However, with all this uncertainty, it’s more important than ever to keep fighting like hell to find a me that can be defined; one that can contribute to society and an identity that finds purpose.

The One Thing I do have in 2020

Getting back to this holiday weekend and it’s overwhelming, triggering challenges, it has become more important than ever to take stock of all the great things I have in my life. Amazingly, it’s the practice of gratitude that propels more forward and because I am so fortunate, I have to believe that great things will happen along this long but healing journey. I have to have hope and perhaps most importantly, I have to keep moving forward.

Checkout the book I helped to write:

Lemonade Stand: Vol. III 

Created by Josh Rivedal and Kathleen Myre, Lemonade Stand: Vol. III is a compilation of 20 stories from those who have served in the emergency services and the military.  In it, the authors talk about their battles with PTSD, a debilitating and for many, a life-long mental illness.  So, if you are from the military or emergency service’s, perhaps this book can help you combat the feelings of isolation and fear that frequently comes with post-traumatic stress disorder. Sometimes, just knowing that there are others out there, just like you, can provide you with the strength and courage to speak up and or get the help you need. The intention of this book is to help with that…. You’re not alone.

Also, Lemonade Stand: Vol III was written to help combat the stigma that often accompanies mental illness, best of all, it attempts to give all you served their countries and communities a voice… Which is amazing!

Lemonade stand
Order today

If you are struggling please go here for help: Crisis Services Canada

OR

Checkout our Mental Health Resources Page

Contact me on my Facebook page: The Road To Mental Wellness

Woke up exhausted.
I rarely sleep well, I can thank PTSD for that, but even …
Walking towards the sirens
The sound of sirens, shatter the beauty all around me but today, …
Leave me the f*** alone!”
Damn PTSD robs me of my sleep and thus torpedoes my mental …
Unsurmountable odds.
when faced with unsurmountable odds, we in the emergency services do whatever …