End of another chapter

end of another chapter

Early last week, I had an over the phone appointment with my psychiatrist. It was brief and bittersweet. Little did I know, at the start of the conversation, that this appointment would be my last. She explained to me that she had done all she could. Finally, I’ve come to the end of another chapter.

The long road we travelled together, started in 2018, barely a month after I went off work. I consider myself lucky; we meshed right from the start. However, it would turn out that my relationship with the SSRIs she prescribed, would do anything but get along with me.

What makes a good therapist

Moreover, I would put myself through a pharmaceutically induced hell. As fate would have it, nearly every treatment option failed. Despite this, I soldiered on Pill after pill, I clung to the hope that this time, this would be the one; the one that eased my depression, minimize the toucher that comes with PTSD and ultimately saving my life.

this little tiny pill would become a double-edged sword.

Alas, this was not to be and no matter the level of hope, it was soon dashed by the results; or should I say the lack thereof. Fortunately, it wouldn’t take long for my psychiatrist to figure out what my Achilles heel

So then, what was it that made this aspect of my healing journey such a difficult one? Well, Ironically, it was a medication. I have epilepsy and have been on an anticonvulsant since I was thirteen.

Read Medication, at an Impasse

With it, came an opportunity to plan out and live a normal life because it, lucky for me, completely controlled my seizures. Even to this very day, I am grateful for the life it gave me.

However, this little tiny pill would become a double-edged sword for me. While I got through my day to day relatively unscathed because of it, my slow and slippery slide into the realm of mental illness would be complicated by it.

End of another chapter.

I have been fortunate to have lived the life i have.

As fate would have it, the anticonvulsant I am on would prevent almost all attempts to help me moderate the symptoms of my mental health conditions; for the most part at least. How ironic, a medication that helps me to live was now hindering my healing.

On the positive side, my psychiatrist went the distance with me. She could have handed my care back over to my GP much sooner but wanted to find a solution. Although finding the med that worked for me was largely trial and error; I would have to say that many months of sedation and other side effects were worth it in the end. My psychiatrist was awesome and did her utmost to help; even advocating for me in other ways; often contacting WCB on my behalf. Although this is essentially the end of another chapter, I can move on knowing that we both put up a good fight.

So please, Don’t give up on yourself.

Despite the battle, we did, however, find some meds that somewhat help. Sure, I could be disappointed but I choose to be grateful. While they may not be wonder drugs, they do help quell the suicidal ideation. Personally, I’d call that a win. My friends, going the distance does indeed pay off.

So then, what’s the moral of this chapter in my life? Well, firstly, I now know that if you persist and advocate for yourself, you will eventually get the help you need. Furthermore, I have come to learn that there are some committed, compassionate mental health professionals out there who only want to help and make a difference.

So please, Don’t give up on yourself, the system our the professionals, for they may help you get to the end of another chapter.

Want to help make my book a reality? Donate here: GoFundMe

Contact: The Road To Mental Wellness

In Between The RainDrops
Trying to adapt to life once diagnosed with a mental illness, can …
When Things Went South
We are raised that if we work hard enough, we can be …
ignored the signs of mental illness.
A message for all my fire service colleagues and you too. IF …
When The Fog Rolls In
Often times, when the fog rolls in it grips you so tightly …
we can do better

New Hope A New Medication

As this week comes to its conclusion, I look back to see that it has been a busy one. Most notable are the appointments I’ve has with my mental health professionals; resulting in some pretty psychologically taxing moments. This week, I walk away with a potential new therapy and new hope a new medication.

firstly, I had my psychologist’s appointment at the beginning of the week; read about it here; My Latest Session. Secondly, I found myself sitting across from my psychologist.

Despite seeing two people on my mental health team in one week, I made it through relatively unscathed; this, as many of my readers know, is normally hell on my mental well being.

What’s great about my latest experience going down the road to mental wellness is how seemingly productive it has been. Moreover, I can’t help but be grateful that it all just came together so nicely.

You may recall in an earlier blog post entitled Medication-At an Impasse where I discuss what was essentially the end of the road pharmaceutically. As sad as this may be, my psychiatrist agreed to keep seeing me and encouraged me to keep going to therapy.

It turns out that I am glad that I was able to keep booking with the psychiatrist because this week she provided me with a dash of hope.

As it turns out, there is one more drug that I can take. As a result, uncovered by their diligence, the psychiatrist laid out this option, its pros and cons and how to introduce it into my treatment plan.

Effectiveness of pharmacuital treatments for depression.

Although I am naturally hesitant to take yet another medication and endure its potential side effect; I am, however, elated. As a consequence, relief came flooding over me.

A new Hope A new Medication
A New Hope A New Medicatiion

So, despite my hesitation; I agree and as the details are explained to me, I discover that it is for the treatment of depression. Hearing the words, “It’s for Depression”. After hearing that, it added to my sense of happiness and thus, providing me with new hope.

Moreover, I feel, for the first time in a very long time that I am going to beat this Anxiety, depression and PTSD. With that said, I will be happy if it puts me in the well-managed category.

What should be included in your wellness plan

So, what has my journey taught me thus far? Well, there are going to be moments of debilitation, feelings of heaviness and despair and even though can’t see an end, keep going. Nothing lasts forever, including depressive episodes, moments of anxiety and feeling of dread.

Perhaps the best advice I can give is this; if you have a treatment plan and the mental health professionals to help you, keep going and don’t let despair deter you from getting better. You can do this!

In closing let me just say this; if you are having a difficult time getting in to get the help you need, push for your right to get well. I have gone in and bugged them, I have fought or it because I understood that I was fighting for my life. Perhaps, like me, you can find new hope, a new medication.

Want to help make my book a reality? Donate here: GoFundMe

Contact: The Road To Mental Wellness

Medications – At An Impasse

Medications

After a long experiment with different medications, I have to close this chapter and go with what I am left with.

For those who visit The Road To Mental Wellness regularly, you may have come across a post or two that talked about the my unique challenges surrounding medications. For those of you that haven’t I’ll give you a quick run down.

Since November of last year, I have been seeing a wonderful psychiatrist who has been working diligently to find a pharmaceutical treatment that will quiet my symptoms of PTSD, depression and anxiety. I am grateful that there is someone advocating for me with such a desire to want to help.

What makes my challenge a unique one is a preexisting medical condition. I have a seizure disorder called epilepsy. To be more specific about the difficulties it brings, it’s not the disorder in itself, its the medication to prevent the seizures.

I will mentally make a list of all the grateful things that have come out of this experience.

This story is a good news, bad news type of story. The good news is actually great news for me. Since I have been treated with this med, a drug called Carbamazepine, it has helped me remain seizure free since 1994. a fact that I am still very grateful for. It has meant the difference between living a normal, meaningful life and caving out a world dictated by disease.

By now you must be wondering what epilepsy medication and mental illness treatments have to do with one another? Well, Carbamazepine washes most of the SSRI’s, serotonin reuptake inhibitors out of liver, drugs that are used to treat mental health conditions like Depression and PTSD. Antidepressants and the like are systematically washed out of the liver by this particular anti-convulsant. Sucks, right?

Depression and PTSD.

With that being said, not all hope was lost. I was happy to hear that despite the unique position I was in, there were a few options we could try. This news was a huge relief for me because I desperately needed something to dull the fear, sleepless nights and nightmares.

I accepted all the medications that were offered hoping against hope that with every new prescription came a potential that I could get my life back. But, to no avail, they either did nothing for me or made me so tired I couldn’t function.

Loosing really isn’t an option for me

Here we are, at an impasse. We have reached the end of the line pharmaceutically speaking. There’s no doubt that, although I’m not surprising, I was nonetheless was saddened by the news.

Never one to give up easily, I brushed aside the feelings of disappointment. I am determined to carry on. I know that there are many more options out there. I can improve my diet and exercise more for starters.

So, what does this mean for me? Well, first off, I will mentally make a list of all the grateful things that have come out of this experience. To give you an idea of what gratitude looks like for me, below is a list.

medications
Medications, not the only option
  1. I had been put on a medication they may not hampered drug treatment options but has allowed me to live my life and do many wonderful things.
  2. I have an excellent psychiatrist that has truly exhausted all options and has been a seller advocate for me.
  3. Despite the feelings of lonely and isolation, I have a wonderful support system the ranges from close friends and family to the all the mental health and other agencies that have supported me.
  4. I know for a fact that there are other options.

Loosing really isn’t an option for me. when I review my own reasons to be grateful, it helps me carry on. So, if you’re feeling the weight of despair and feel like you’re getting no where, write down all the great things that are in you life. You may be surprised to see just how far you’ve come, how strong you are and who cares when the chips are down.

You may also enjoy: Signs Of Strength When You’re Not Mentally Well

You may also find support from sicknotweak.comanewdawnaa.com

You may also enjoy: Apologies For What, Being ill?

Want help fund my book? donate: GOFundMe – The Road To Mental Wellness – The book

You may also enjoy: I am vulnerable: I’m good with that.

Contact me on Facebook: facebook.com/TRTMW