Have I figured out the meaning of life?

Have I figured out the meaning of life?

Have I figured out the meaning of life? When battling major depression this is what keeps me going.

As humans, it is in our nature to question our own existence; I mean really, why are we here? I suspect that the answer is a difficult one for many to uncover. However, I also have my suspicions that there’s more than one answer to this question. Perhaps it’s as individual as humans themselves?

From my perspective. the answer has somewhat come to light over the course of my lifetime. With that said, my answer may not correspond with other people’s definition. Regardless, it bears thinking about. And I thought it might be helpful to share.

The meaning of life, or at least as I understand it, has come to me after continuously battling mental illness. When coupled with my brain’s tendency to be in overdrive nearly every moment of every day, I was bound to reach a conclusion at some point.

How you ask? Interestingly, I have decided on its meaning, not through a dictionary definition, but rather, the instability that comes with a horrible dread of a depressive episode. Likewise, I posed this question during the more peaceful moments in between.

How to manage a depressive episode

Truth is, if I had not contemplated the meaning of life both in my darkest hours and at my happiest times, I believe the answer would have alluded me; quite possibly for the remainder of my life.

firstly, as most people with depression can attest, one is often stuck ruminating over why they are even here in the first place. Similarly, they can often question the point to it all. I know I do; frustratingly so, it occupies my neurocircuitry whenever I suffer a boat of major depression.

Negative self-talk and depression.

The beauty of this darkness? I actively seek to answer the question; what’s life’s purpose?

This question often crosses my mind organically, no matter my mental state and thankfully, I’ve come up with a conclusion that I think many may agree with.

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So, without further ado, here goes nothing: Have I figured out the meaning of life?

Humans have a beautiful ability to connect to one another in a very significant form of kindness.

At its core is a little thing called Love. This emotion, with the strength of gravity, pulls us towards those whom we have a “Humans have a beautiful ability to connect to one another in a very significant form of kindness.deep affinity for.

But connection and love are more than just mere feelings, they are natural survival mechanisms that have allowed humanity to form families and social networks. Because of it, we have survived for thousands of years.

Because its strength is so strong, so undeniable, it is the very essence for life itself”.

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I believe that this is the formula for the meaning of life. Love, connection and unity equal stronger, longer and more robust relationships. In my view, this is a beautiful gift.

Think of it, when we have this formula going for us, we are much less likely to feel lonely and isolated. Personally, I find that when I do a gratefulness inventory, my episodes of depression seem to be shorter.

Finally, while I know firsthand that major depression can feel really lonely and isolating, I also know that I do have many strong connections and thus many reasons to ride the wave of mental illness. The people I have in my life are truly amazing! So, Have I figured out the meaning of life? You decide.

anxiety or ADHD

The Road To Mental Wellness – The Book

Cover reveal

I am excited to announce that I will be revealing my first book cover in mid-January. Called The Road To Mental Wellness, it chronicles my lifelong battles with mental illness. It’s goal? To help others by telling my story…. Check back for updates. However, if you would like to see it sooner, simply subscribe to The Road To Mental Wellness email list and I will be more than happy to send you the exclusive first look at it.

Note: The Road To Mental Wellness is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.

Note: The Road To Mental Wellness is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.

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Depressed State of Mind

Depressed State Of Mind

I can’t seem to out run my depressed state of mind.

Before you reading, Depressed State Of Mind, I would like to take a moment to thank everyone who has supported The Road To Mental Wellness, your contributions keep me going….. Thank you! Any donations are greatly appreciated. To donate, please click the donate button below

As of late, my mind is so full of pain that I can’t write. All I do is stare into the vastness of the white screen, only managing a word or two. Then, I stare some more; just waiting for what usually comes easy to me. But… Nothing.

Why? Well, I am in the grip of a major depressive episode and because of it, my ability to feel is gone; replaced by a wall of PTSD and all its unpleasantries. Numbness, quickly agitated, and lack of sleep. Oh yeah, and let’s not forget that monster of a startle response.

A progressively depressed state of mind.

If all that weren’t enough, I find myself in the middle of my road to mental wellness, just standing there, wondering where the hell I was going; whilst simultaneously not caring if I move at all. My apparent inability to know where to go is fuelled by a real heavy dose of I don’t care; it’s not because I don’t want to, rather, it’s because I can’t. Simply put, It’s the way it works with a depressed state of mind

Symptoms of major depressive disorder.

Perhaps what I find most disturbing is the ferocity of this episode. Most troubling is that with every storm ravaging period of depression, comes more damage; more despair and more intolerance.

They are getting worse, every one! It’s so turbulent, I’ve gotten to the point where I am frightened for myself. Nonetheless, somehow, I remain vigilant, albeit with less strength and conviction, but, I’m still willing to fight on. As far as I’m concerned this is a very good sign.

At the same time, I must evaluate the what and the why of my current circumstance. And in order to do that, I need to ask myself these questions. “What factors are driving my episode?” and “Why am I not moving past it?”

In truth, I know why I am left feeling emotionless and scared. Furthermore, the what question is also beginning to make itself more clear.

What lies at the core of my intense interior upheaval, is the one thing that always crashes the plane. Forgetting that I am ill and I cannot take on the world like I was once able to. Sadly, I have blatantly ignored this fact, and because of it, I am paying a huge price. But dammit, I want to fulfill my purpose and start moving again. Depression and PTSD have away of reminding me that they are still here, very much alive.

Depressed state of mind
Photo by Vinicius Altava on Pexels.com

Ways to improve symptoms of Depression and PTSD.

And really, I have, for the most part, exceeded my limitations. This, despite that I know, my disposition is not compatible with the real world; I guess I need the reminder that I am now a changed man.

So, basically, I have once again tested my tolerance by throwing myself back into the engine of life. I’ve not succeeded, but nor have I failed. The way I see it, I have braved it and tried again.

With the release of Lemonade Stand Vol. III, I have understandable been busy. I believe so much in the book that I pushed myself; I mean, a collaborative work of people from the services, telling their story of PTSD, How could I not spread the word?

GO to Lemonade Stand Vol. III to learn more.

So then, it’s my insistence to keep trying, to test my limitations that gets me into mental pearl, that’s the why, I forget about taking care of myself. Consequently, I end up locked in a traumatic and depressed state of mind.

How I got myself over the edge is the what part. I have come to learn that it’s exhaustion for one, but more impactful than that is the post-traumatic symptoms colliding with the outside world. The what includes, busy and crowed areas, sudden noise, people who won’t make good decisions.

“In our toughest of times, it’s even more imperative that we take stalk of all that we can extract gratitude from”.

– Jonathan Arenburg

An example of this is, those who speed. They increase their risk of hurting themselves and others. Their oblivious demeanour is traumatic for me. Because they put others at risk, thus they, by default potentially put me in a position to witness the tragic outcome; what’s worse, I may be forced to render assistance which is something I know I can’t do. My autopilot switch has taken one too many hits over the years and like me, it’s worn and nonfunctional. “How dare they put me in that position”.

the top causes of highway accidents

Having the distinction of having seen the consequences of speeding, I am obviously, taken back to moments where I and my colleges did what we could to save the occupants. Perhaps most infuriating is the fact that they fail to see that their reckless behaviour requires, in some instances, the ultimate sacrifice on behalf of the emergency service workers, trying to safe them from themselves. Frankly, this pisses me off.

Sadly, all these elements make up the wider world and I have no control over any of it. I don’t want control, rather, I want to live and do so in a more peaceful, more respectful place.

Please, do your best to remember that emotions are cyclic in a sense, so if you are feeling the weight of depression’s despair right now, it WILL subside. It has in the past and will again soon… Having in there, you depressed state of mind won’t be like that forever.

20 authors from the military and emergency services tell their story of PTSD.

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If you are struggling please go here for help: Crisis Services Canada

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Moving ahead with purpose

Moving ahead with purpose

Keep moving ahead with purpose.

Before you reading, Moving Forward With Purpose, I would like to take a moment to thank everyone who has supported The Road To Mental Wellness, your contributions keep me going….. Thank you! Any donations are greatly appreciated. To donate, please click the donate button below

There’s an old saying that I have grown rather fond of over the years. No doubt you’ve heard of it too. It’s this “put one foot in front of the other”. While it’s not that long and is seemingly unremarkable, it has nonetheless, seen me through some of my darkest days.

One of the reasons this short sentence ended up being on my favs play list is because when I think of it, it reminds me to slow down and that my battle is a hell of a battle. I need the right weapons to go to war. Plus, when I “slow down,” I can regroup and remind myself that I am indeed moving ahead with purpose.

Purpose, a single word loaded with a whole heap of helping potential. This was probably the single most important take away from my time at Rally Point Retreat, a peer support facility for service persons with PTSD. The owner told me that peer support is so important because it can help to define ones new purpose for moving forward.

Finding Purpose with PTSD

If you’re struggling to understand just how fundamentally powerful the word purpose is; perhaps you need to ask yourself these questions; How far can one make it without a sense of purpose? And furthermore, how can one see a future without it? Undoubtedly, you will reach the same conclusions that I have.

See, one small seemingly insignificant word does indeed play a pivotal role in one’s success, even at the best of times. But I happen to think that, for those with a mental health condition, it can be a matter of survival. I know in my case, it is, at times, the one element that can make me or break me.

Because I am also on the main battlefield of my own mind, fighting not only PTSD, but also major depressive disorder, I NEED purpose, almost as much as I need support and connection. Think it as the fuel that keeps the convoy of mental health tools rolling toward my internal conflict. Without it, I would be a sitting duck against depression’s impressive might.

The resources I deploy.

Ok, so shouting out that moving ahead with purpose is essential for survival is easy. However, how do we find things that matter? For me, and I am willing to bet, many others, there is a hidden passion hiding deep within; we are simply too afraid to let out.

In order for me to find purpose, I had to dust off a passion that I have held in captivity for well over twenty years; locked it away in a dungeon of fear. So, what’s this passion I speak of? Well, you’re reading it. It’s writing.

Ever since I was in my teens, I have dreamed of being a writer. Didn’t matter, songs, short stories, poems whatever, I loved it. Sadly though, I had to give up on this “pipe dream” to man up and follow the millions of young people who were conforming to the cookie cutter mythical expectation. I mean, we are suspposed to pick a career that supports a living that society says will get us the “dream” life. The house, the partner, the kids; the list goes on and on.

There’s just one tiny problem with this expectation, it’s someone else’s dream. Now that I am older and have tried the traditional lifestyle, I am just tired and mentally ill enough from it to understand that I want my dream. Thankfully, nowadays, I care little for what others think of me. Because I care a little for other people’s opinions, I am free, liberated to follow what it is I love.

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Essentially, I am moving ahead with purpose, my purpose. And I’m finally, I am chasing my dream and man, I’m doing it! This blog, has helped me make baby steps towards my goals and thus aiding my recovery. To add to it, I have somehow, despite spending over half my time in bed or hiding, I have become a published author, appearing in Lemonade Stand Vol. III. While I find it difficult to extract joy out of almost everything, I am grateful to have done it. The work that came with the project kept the super fuel, purpose flowing and thus helping memove forward.

While it’s true that this i’Ampossibe Project initiated book kept me going, I am perhaps most proud of my own book; The Road To Mental Wellness. This is a remarkable achievement because, I finally finished it, the final rough draft. It’s complete! Now it’s off to an editor for a good going over.

What’s so amazing about it is the very fact that, in the face of PTSD and all my time in bed, overwhelmed and otherwise symptomatic, I FINISHED IT! I know I already mentioned this but honestly, it can not be overstated. It’s monumental because there are few things I have seen through to completion once I got sick. So what’s the common denominator? You guessed it, a single word that means so much, purpose.

I sincerely hope that you find the strength to follow your passions and start moving ahead with your passions. I think if you do, you will find yet another reason to keep going done your road to mental wellness.

LEMONADE STAND VOL. III

If I were honest

20 authors from the military and emergency services tell their story of PTSD.

Order today

If you are struggling please go here for help: Crisis Services Canada

OR

Checkout our Mental Health Resources Page

Contact me on my Facebook page: The Road To Mental Wellness

This could be the key to moving FORWARD
This could be the key to moving forward. Let your passion be …
I will never bend to it’s will
I will never bend to its will, to my mental illness. These …
You have the right to refuse
MENTAL HEALTH RESOURCES PAGE
Have I figured out the meaning of life?
Have I figured out the meaning of life? When battling major depression …