I have too much living to do.

I have too much living to do.

I may be in the middle of battling PTSD right now but I will squeeze all my living in when I’m better.

Someday I will kick mental illness’s ass. Although I feel like the odds are against me, it can be and must be done; I have too much living to do yet.

But, in order to win the day, I have to defy the rules, be “that guy” that stands in opposition to the established norms. No, it’s not about going after the man, nor is it taking up the fight for social justice.

The fight I am speaking of is the battle within. More specifically than that, I must win the fight over mental illness’s manipulation. I must stand up to the power of PTSD and say, I am no longer your slave; depression, I will no longer bent to your will and anxiety, you’ve navigated my self speak and self-worth for far too long.

Ways to boost your self-worth

I don’t know about you but I’m tired of being held hostage by what lies between my ears. Not only am I fed up with it, but I am also desperately wanting to reclaim my life; aren’t you?

I argue yes, that’s exactly what’s happening.

But, in order to do accomplish this feat, we must understand that those thoughts that bounce around inside, the ones that hold us back are bull; I believe the modern term is fake news.

Many mental health conditions are like gaslighters from the inside out; whereas, gaslight usually occurs from the outside in. People who gaslight do so to the degree where one questions their sanity.

I have too much living to do.
Go live your life.

Sound familiar? It seems sometimes that our brains hate us but in reality, we have conditioned it to feel like no one likes us or that we aren’t good enough. Trouble is, what we think about long enough, we start to believe.

“I know I have worth, passion and goals.”

Since I have too much living to do to let this manipulation go on any longer, I have decided to fight back. I know, I know, how on earth do you do that? am I right?

Well, for starters, can you really say that EVERYONE hates you? Or, is it our disorders talking? Are we being duped into thinking that we are worthless? I argue yes, that’s exactly what’s happening.

Want to hear the stories of those on a similar path? Have a listen here. A New Dawn Podcast

We start by paying more attention to the voice that disagrees with these lies. Sure, it may seem smaller and more off in the distance but it is indeed your authentic voice; essentially, that disempowered voice is the real you. Additionally, once you hear yourself in the background saying; ‘I know I’m a good person.” and or; “I know I have worth, passion and goals.”

So, what will digging through the deception do for you? See, the more you listen passed the noise of mental illness and start paying more attention to the real you, that tiny, tired out voice will get louder and more confident; before you know it, you’re starting to believe your truth.

In reality, it all comes down to who do you want in the driver’s seat? A voice hell-bent on running you into the wall or you; heading to a destination that brings you peace and happiness? Personally, I have too much living to do to allow my life to be hijacked; I’m willing to bet that you do too.

In crisis? Call 1.833.456.4566 | Text 45645 (Crisis Services Canada) Crisis Services Canada

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Contact us: The Road To Mental Wellness

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Mindfulness The Art Of Being Present

How many times have you hear this; it’s important to live in the present, the now? You can find customized versions of this idea all over social media. It is one of the main focuses of mindfulness and one of the main tools in my therapy sessions.

It is a very valid therapeutic principle and is popularized for a very good reason, its fundamental to recovery and essential for anyone who wants to be present in those moments we so often bypass because we are too consumed by our pain.

It is, right to assume, so I believe, that those with mental illness are in a mental time machine of sorts; we either are busy ruminating on the disasters of the past, or, like a screenwriter, writing  a screenplay for a futuristic movie, we are consumed with mentally writing out an interior script of how our future chaos will play out.

We are being poked and encouraged by our fears, fears formulated by our past who is nothing but a shady character that is a by-product of our anxiety. Consistently living like this feels to me like we are living in “the moment.” The darker dimension of this mindfulness like state keeps us shackled to the walls of our minds that sure feels very in the moment to me. I think of it as the evil counterpart of mindfulness, it’s intention is just as effective but its goal is to erode the sick. its motives are nefarious and very damaging.

Now, I am very well aware that this isn’t truly living in the moment as mindfulness defines it but nonetheless, it is occupying and devouring your life in real-time; hence, living in the present. Living in the present in this context is something that I have mastered and is something I take no pride in, being an expert in finding techniques that allow my mental illnesses to rob me in these moments in real-time are not what I had envisioned for myself. Nonetheless, I can take back control, I have won my life back in the past and have lost it to my disorders once more. This is and has been my mental health life cycle.

So in a sense, I feel like, if most people with mental illness are like me, they are very good at living in the present; just not in a way that propels them down the road to mental wellness. It takes practice and dedication to intentionally give pause to the pain and learn to breathe in the moment of the here and now, to be present enough to enjoy a date with your partner, a child’s birthday or a coffee with a good friend.

Learning mindfulness can help you work those moments that are the most problematic by intentionally working through the troubling thought and seeing it to the end. I have just started this process with my therapist and learning it. I will learn that avoiding my PTSD, for example, is counter-productive to the healing process, giving them the attention they need in the hands of a healthcare professional is essentially working through them in real-time.

The battle to retake happiness

To learn more about mindfulness check it out here.

So to summarize, I feel that living in the darkest regions of your mind is being present in a sense but only because you are being consumed by your mental illnesses and the symptoms they produce, living in a perpetual loop of despair in real-time. Whereas mindfulness, allows you to work through the pain, triggers, lows etc. By paying it more mind in a more productive way, by working through it and not avoiding, mindfulness will help you break free from the loop and once mastered, can lift the fog of disorder and free you up to live your life.

Also, check out my friend’s blogs:    

A New Dawn

Sick Not Weak

Abby’s Chronicles

You may also enjoy: Apologize For What, Being ill?

You may also enjoy: I am vulnerable: I’m good with that.

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