Pursuing Dreams With Mentally Illness.

So you have a passion, and…… You have a mental illness. Now what? How does one chase a dream through the foggy dark world of dread, convince their mental health condition to behave, just well enough to make any given dream a reality? This question is something I have wrestled with since I was in my teens. Fortunately, the majority of the time, I have been able to come out on top, fighting through the fog to have a few dreams realized.

Steps to make your dreams come alive.

Sadly, there have been times in my life when I have also been blinded by this fog the degree where I literally lost my way. This round, I am really lost and for the first time, I have no idea how to find my way back on the road to mental wellness. At least this is how it feels. That said,  I’ll be dammed if I remain lost forever. I have things I want to do, goals I need to complete, so I will crawl my way out if I must.
You might be saying, “it’s great to be so determined, but how do you plan to do that when you struggle to leave the house?” Well, I live by two words, acceptances and customization. As far as I’m concerned, acceptance and customization are fundamental for success when one is on a life long mental health roller coaster ride.
Before going any further, I must explain why I have adopted these two concepts into my life’s journey. If your journey is as turbulent as mine has been, then you need to find something to help you be as functional and productive as you can. Hence, for me, acceptance and customization are how I achieve my goals and dreams.
Acceptance seems fairly straightforward, simply embrace what’s in front of you and get over it. But, as anyone with anxiety, for example, can tell you, that “just accept it” doesn’t work. Try running an electronic without a battery. Many others with different mental disorders also can’t easily turn it off. Mentally ill, your mind is hijacked, whilst the mentally well is more adept at not getting stuck on their troubles. 
I know I can’t simply get over what my brain does (illness) so I have to accept it. I may never be able to extend my threshold far enough to get back to where I once was mental. Acknowledging this allows me to build a life that is within my range of normalcy. (Customization)  I believe that we are all on a spectrum of sorts, some can go full speed, all the time, others, this simply isn’t so. It isn’t so because it just can’t be so.

Understanding the stigma against mental illness.

I am now trying to tailor my life around what I can do and not what I can’t. If there are days when I can’t face the day as I did yesterday then I don’t. If all I can do today is finish writing this sentence, I’m ok with that. I will get the pics up tomorrow.

Writing is wonderful, not only for its creative freedom but also for its inherent flexibility. It doesn’t care if I leave it half done, til I am well enough to pick it up again. I want to totally customize my life off of, and around writing. I will succeed in my quest to live again! How do you customize your life so you can get busy pursuing your dreams with mental illness?

if you are suffering from PTSD or another mental illness, please reach out. I thank you for your service and you are still worthy and mean something. I believe in you!

If you are struggling please go here: Crisis Services Canada

Want help fund my book? donate: GOFundMe – The Road To Mental Wellness – The book

You may also enjoy: Slowly Walking My Way To Mental Wellness.

Contact me on my Facebook page: facebook.com/TRTMW

Check out my friend’s blog here: https://abbeyschronicles.com

At The Psychologist’s Office

Arriving early because my anxiety wouldn’t have it any other way, I think to myself saying, “I DO NOT want to talk to the psychologist today, I’m just going to sit there and have a nap.” After imagining how silly that would make me look; I grab the keys from the ignition and yank the door handle, I very reluctantly drag my ass to the office. The office administrator is at her desk and all I can think is, “great I’m going to have to talk to them.” I keep the conversation to an absolute minimum, trying to seem busy on my phone. Just as I start writing this blog post in an attempt to avoid contact with her, I get called in. I loathe this afternoon, the bed is all I can and want to think about.

The psychologist notices right away that I am not at all in good form, and she relays her hunch to me and says something to the effect of, ” It looks like a day when you just needed to stay home.” Her suspicion was spot on. I immediately confirm it with her. The rest of the session was centred around mitigating my nightmares from PTSD. Which, to my surprise, I was an active, yet spaced out and not all that present participant. Despite feeling like someone was trying their best to pull me straight through freshly made jello, some progress was made and I now have even more tools in my repertoire that I plan to put into practice tonight.

For help on managing PTSD Click here: Ways to manage your PTSD-symptoms – verywellmind.com

Now I am on the other side of the psychologist’s appointment and am once again in the safety of my home. I am now experiencing a great sense of relief as I no longer am obligated to go beyond my front door again today, and after I conclude this blog entry, (which is mentally painful by the way)…LOL! I plan to melt into my sofa and shut the world off. When I need to rest, I do so and do so without shame, and most times, without guilt either. Pushing yourself when defeated and exhausted is very counterproductive to the mental wellness journey in my experience.

Although wading through the muck today was monumentally difficult and extremely taxing on my mind, I did it! I’m proud that I was able to overcome my interior adversity and do what I have to make my way towards mental wellness once more. I see it like this: If one must have life-saving surgery they will jump through hoops and face great pain and discomfort, all in an effort to do what it takes to live. Sadly and sometimes tragically, we often remain idle when we are mentally ill. Even though just as dire in many cases, we allow fear and denial to win us over and surrender to its overwhelming powers; almost as though it’s the natural response to a mental health emergency. Why though? We all know and understand just how deadly ignoring it can be. Why then is it not seen in the same light as a physical medical emergency? Injury is injury and pain is a pain, the ultimate consequence for ignoring both is the exact same!

So you see, I had little choice but to go to my mental wellness professional and attend to my very serious and very painful condition. I cannot and must not give in to the ills that plague me. I want to work and be productive, I desire a happier life and I have so many loved ones whom I want to see reach their full potential, share the holidays with them, and make beautiful memories as a result. I am very proud of the baby steps I have been making, progress is progress after all. Yes, it’s tough, no I don’t necessarily want to get up every day from another sleepless night and fight but dammit I’m gonna.

Be assured that you too can win the day and have your life back, one small step at a time. We all hide behind a smile and the phrase “I’m good!” when asked how we are, and we all make our internal battles a private affair, but what we ought to be doing is banding together to form a vast support network for healing. We might be better served if we start helping the not afflicted to better understand that the struggles we face are real, that we hurt and are in need of their compassion and kindness. We also need to give ourselves permission to acknowledge how serious our situation is and how much worse it can get without proper intervention.

There are people out there who know your pain, who are willing to try to understand and walk the rocky road beside you. Allow them to be the support you need, your pride and your fear be damned.

You May Also enjoy: Signs Of Strength When You’re Not Mentally Well

Email: johnnixona@gmail.com

Facebook: TRTMW