How are you feeling in the moment

how are you feeling in the moment

How are you feeling in the moment? This may be the most important question to ask yourself especially this day and age. Are you angry, sad fearful? More specifically, at whom is your feeling directed?

I bet you think you know the answer; my spouse and maybe even my children. But I think one can make the argument that who you’re really upset with is you.

Ok, of course, I can’t say that for sure but I feel like we spend a lot of time obsessing over the notion that we must be happy; all the time. With that said, a number of questions must be asked; questions like, What is my definition of happiness? How do I achieve it? and is happiness really what I think it is?

In order to answer these questions, one must do so honestly. Moreover, one needs to accept certain things about what it is to be human.

are we in a steady sate of being?

Therefore it should come as no surprise that our entire existence is full of contradictions. A fact that can, in some instances, lead us down the road to mental illness. For instance, we all know that we experience a whole range of emotions so if this is true, why then do we, at the same time, want to prioritize just one emotion?

What’s is this much sought after feeling you ask? It’s happiness. We chase after it like its some sort of tangible item, a trophy we deserve just for trying; we see it as the ultimate prize and winning it will make our fairytale dream life come true. However, this simply isn’t the case.

Want to hear about other’s mental heath journies? Go to: A New Dawn

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t pursue what it is your passion about; what I am saying is that, along with the pursuit of our dreams, life’s ups and downs are proof that happiness is a real human emotion and therefore, subject to the ebb and flow that make us who we are. In other words, happiness isn’t something you can possess; rather, it is a fluctuating state of being, as are the rest of our emotions.

How are you feeling in the moment

the happiness – depression connection.

So then, if we accept that the idea that happiness is raw emotion and not something that we can permanently acquire, what are the psychological repercussions?

In my view, being happy all comes down to how we feel in the moment. However, our mythical conceptualization of happiness is, for, many, a road of pain, fear and anxiety.

How to live in the moment

This begs the question; is the pursuit of happiness really just a journey down the spiral staircase to mental illness? Because we as people are always in a state of emotional flux, one is bound to come head to head with their other emotions; anger, sadness, fear and frustration. Are they wrong? Should we beat ourselves up for them and feel shame? I say no.

What’s more, it’s how you are feeling in the moment that really matters.

Only you can truly answer these questions for yourself. With that said, if we buy into the idea that we should always be happy; won’t we be setting ourselves up for failure? Can our misunderstanding of emotions as a whole lead us to depression and anxiety, or, even worse, lead us to develop anxiety and depressive disorders?

Look at it this way, we can never always be angry, nor can we always be sad or anxious; happiness is the same. We would do well to work on staying focused on the here and now and not beating ourselves up for feeling the range of emotions that are innate in all of us. Furthermore, if you don’t achieve your goal of being permanently happy, remember two things; one, we were never designed to be and two, it’s ok that you can’t.

What’s more, it’s how you are feeling in the moment that really matters; accepting that we are creatures who come standard with a wide range of feelings, will, ironically, make one more satisfied with life. As you move through your life, you will experience an accumulation of wonderful memories, when you pasted together, you will see, just what it means to be happy.

In crisis? Call 1.833.456.4566 | Text 45645 (Crisis Services Canada) Crisis Services Canada

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Bumps In The Wellness Road.

Today, I was informed that I was not going to receive rehabilitative supports from my work insurance because I am on workers’ compensation. Learning this triggered my PTSD and sent my anxiety into high gear, causing it to make up a disastrous future scenario well before finding out any real answers from the source. Although my insurance company from work not providing me supports because the majority of my recovery is being handled by worker’s compensation is understandable, it nonetheless, wreaked havoc on me psychologically. 

When I spoke to the insurance company and got all the details,
what they told me was reasonable and fair. Yet despite this, it still evoked a traumatic reaction that my body interpreted as a threat and whether real or imaginary. I am left with its undesirable repercussions.
This scenario reminded me today of all the bumps in the mental wellness road I have encountered along the way. It’s amazing how the smallest speed bump can morph into a major heave in the pavement. That being said, I am proud to say that I have been able to conquer them all. I have gone to battle countless times on my own behalf, so many times in fact that I have to, by now, be able to claim the status of a mental illness warrior. It has been so difficult getting past the roadblocks but has been a necessary part of my survival and worth every painful moment. 
What makes the hurtles to help so strenuous is that I am not always up for the battle. The dark fog of anxiety or the feelings of dread as well as the numbness and reactivity left from PTSD, leave me with little mental strength to take on those who have a responsibility to ensure that they don’t award out claim monies to every applicant that fills out a claim. 
They have so many requirements and loopholes it’s not an easy process. It’s enough to raise the anxieties of the healthiest of folk. If you don’t fight for it, you will lose the opportunity to get what you need. 
I decided that I would take them on when I was able when I felt strong and mentally up for the task. Like many other aspects of my life, self-care has to be made the priority. Taking them on when I was able paid dividends. Taking time for me, I was able to go the distance and advocate for myself with resolve. Pushing myself full tilt would have ended in me losing my mental health battle because I would have given up and accepted defeat.
Go slow, know your limits

So, know your limits but never let anyone stand in your way to get better. It will be a long and painful ordeal, it doesn’t all have to be taken care of in one day. Just always remember, you are worth more than you think you are and deserve to get the help you need. Those days when you are feeling weak are nothing more than recoup days from a good day’s fight. Keep going! Your mental wellness is there for the taking.

You may also enjoy: Apologize For What, Being ill?

You may also enjoy: I am vulnerable: I’m good with that.

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Learn more about knowing your limits here: The Good Man Project

Discover New Passions

The heavy dread of mental illness confines me into the perpetual act of absolute avoidance and in doing so, denies me the quality of life that  I so long for. I have been suffering from anxiety, depression and PTSD for so long now that a normal shot at happy seems as far fetched as winning the lottery.

A very sad way of seeing it, but the fact is it’s hard not to feel this way. I feel like I’m continuously on an elevator going from the basement floor to the first floor, then back to the basement floor again. This elevator analogy is a good representation of how my mental wellness journey is going. I seemingly start to make my way towards healing only to have the doors slam shut and then I am forced to the dark and isolating basement once more.

I can’t speak for anyone else suffering from a mental disorder but I can tell you that for me, this constant glimmer of hope, this peek at an opportunity of realizing a full and rich life once more, then having the fear, heavy dread and anxiety forced me to the bottom floor, thus robbing me of a sense of normalcy, only amplifies all of the symptoms I suffer from. I do have a lot of professional supports in place however, the systems in which govern them can sometimes slow these supports to a crawl. This is nothing sort of mental torture at times, the byproduct of this torture is emotional degradation, a direct hit on my affect. The biggest tragedy of it all is the exacerbation of all the mental illnesses themselves. So for example, my depression robs me of the joy of those things I used to love and looked forward to. Everything has systematically had the shine stripped off of it and worsened by this wait.

Then what can I do to find the passion for life again? Where can I go to find the self that used to love fitness and nutrition? two of the things I had a passion for. I used to feel great sadness for having lost the drive for these things, and I still do to some degree but I feel like I can’t stand idle waiting for the love for them to return, what if they never do? I have decided that instead of mourning these losses, it was better for me to take action. I decided that I have a need to discover new passions. I have been on a mission to do just that ever since.

I discovered that finding new passions requires effort, nonetheless, I embarked on the unknown. Interestingly enough, the idea of looking for a new “thing” to fall in love with gave me the shot in the arm I needed. I have always had this need to create, a need that I constantly denied. It was always floating around in the back of my head, longing to break free but my fears always held my true desire captive.

My passion: Writing about mental illness.

What is this passion you ask? well, you’re reading it. I have always wanted to write, so I went for it. Being off work I had nothing to lose and nothing constructive to do and so, The Road To Mental Wellness was born. It has ignited a small flame in my heart, one just large enough to keep me going. I am hopeful that it will be the catalyst that will propel me down the road to wellness.

maybe you have a need to find new passions too?