Disorder Archives - The Road To Mental Wellness

How are you feeling in the moment? This may be the most important question to ask yourself especially this day and age. Are you angry, sad fearful? More specifically, at whom is your feeling directed?

I bet you think you know the answer; my spouse and maybe even my children. But I think one can make the argument that who you’re really upset with is you.

Ok, of course, I can’t say that for sure but I feel like we spend a lot of time obsessing over the notion that we must be happy; all the time. With that said, a number of questions must be asked; questions like, What is my definition of happiness? How do I achieve it? and is happiness really what I think it is?

In order to answer these questions, one must do so honestly. Moreover, one needs to accept certain things about what it is to be human.

are we in a steady sate of being?

Therefore it should come as no surprise that our entire existence is full of contradictions. A fact that can, in some instances, lead us down the road to mental illness. For instance, we all know that we experience a whole range of emotions so if this is true, why then do we, at the same time, want to prioritize just one emotion?

What’s is this much sought after feeling you ask? It’s happiness. We chase after it like its some sort of tangible item, a trophy we deserve just for trying; we see it as the ultimate prize and winning it will make our fairytale dream life come true. However, this simply isn’t the case.

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Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t pursue what it is your passion about; what I am saying is that, along with the pursuit of our dreams, life’s ups and downs are proof that happiness is a real human emotion and therefore, subject to the ebb and flow that make us who we are. In other words, happiness isn’t something you can possess; rather, it is a fluctuating state of being, as are the rest of our emotions.

the happiness – depression connection.

So then, if we accept that the idea that happiness is raw emotion and not something that we can permanently acquire, what are the psychological repercussions?

In my view, being happy all comes down to how we feel in the moment. However, our mythical conceptualization of happiness is, for, many, a road of pain, fear and anxiety.

How to live in the moment

This begs the question; is the pursuit of happiness really just a journey down the spiral staircase to mental illness? Because we as people are always in a state of emotional flux, one is bound to come head to head with their other emotions; anger, sadness, fear and frustration. Are they wrong? Should we beat ourselves up for them and feel shame? I say no.

What’s more, it’s how you are feeling in the moment that really matters.

Only you can truly answer these questions for yourself. With that said, if we buy into the idea that we should always be happy; won’t we be setting ourselves up for failure? Can our misunderstanding of emotions as a whole lead us to depression and anxiety, or, even worse, lead us to develop anxiety and depressive disorders?

Look at it this way, we can never always be angry, nor can we always be sad or anxious; happiness is the same. We would do well to work on staying focused on the here and now and not beating ourselves up for feeling the range of emotions that are innate in all of us. Furthermore, if you don’t achieve your goal of being permanently happy, remember two things; one, we were never designed to be and two, it’s ok that you can’t.

What’s more, it’s how you are feeling in the moment that really matters; accepting that we are creatures who come standard with a wide range of feelings, will, ironically, make one more satisfied with life. As you move through your life, you will experience an accumulation of wonderful memories, when you pasted together, you will see, just what it means to be happy.

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Yesterday, you found yourself too heavy to get on with the day. Well, yesterday’s gone. So, live it, today is your day.
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So you had a stay in bed kind of day yesterday. You felt overwhelmed, inflicted by a heavy feeling that is often described as dread. And like that of someone drowning, you went weak, let go and stopped fighting. Even though you desperately wanted to fight on, you were just too exhausted to do so.

If your experience is in any way like my own, you can’t help but worry that days like that are going to take you out and down the road of no return. But is this true? You might have thought; “Will this be the day I slide into oblivion, never to know happy again?’ I am confronted with this fear whenever I fail to muster the strength to do, well anything.

Thankfully, despite my fears, I can say with 100% certainty that I have never once remained trapped in the darkest recesses of my mind; its this time and tested truth that I take great comfort in. All it takes is a constant reminder to “ride it out.”

How to get through those mentally tough days

Waking up this morning, you felt wonderful and refreshed and without an ounce of mental pain to contend with. You think to yourself, “Today is your day.” Already, you’re off to a wonderful start. With that said, it can be useful to keep in mind that you may not be 100% well for the entire day. And that’s ok; you can however, choose where you put your energy so that you can have the greatest amount of success.

So, what helps with that success?Firstly, it’s helpful for me to understand that there is a fundamental difference between normal stressors and disordered ones. Normal anxiety responses are driven by things like, speaking in front of crowds or anticipating a moment when it’s almost your turn to speak at a meeting. All normal responses to normal, everyday events.

But… When one experiences stressors like ones that are driven from trauma, it’s more likely produced by an abnormal event(s). In this instance, it’s our brains trying to make sense of what disaster the eyes have seen. Incidents like a death, a car wreak or an assault.

I like to think of this form of anxiety as residual effects in a sense. For example, PTSD doesn’t let go of the most horrific experiences of our lives. Therefore, we relive them; sometimes years after the tragic events have passed. This is, in my view, disorder driven anxiety.

I have PTSD, now what?

For me, anxiety, feels the same. Whether it’s “normally produced” or spawn by my mental health conditions. Regardless, it can be important to determine the source. While I know this isn’t always possible, it can help in those scenarios where you know it’s origins.

How? Well, therapy can be a great tool to help one determine what they are facing. To be more specific, a type of therapy called cognitive behavioural therapy can help bring angst to the fore of the mind so you can “think” your way through what factors are causing it to spike.

Today is your day — Photo by Wendy Wei on Pexels.com

If we are able to conquer the feelings produced by anxiety and other mental illnesses, then we increase our odds of getting to its epicentre. In other words, if you’re about to go on stage for a spelling Bee and your anxiety is high, this is considered normal. In such a case, the more you go on stage, the better odds of helping to minimize your fear in future. Remember, stage fright can be disorder driven but for many, it’s simply a bad case of the jitters. Regardless, it is common to be anxious in the scenario.

Once you come to the conclusion, that this is indeed a normal response, you can then ask yourself. ‘What can I do to help me alleviate my angst?” Deep breathing is a great tool to deploy when on the hot seat. Of course, throwing yourself out there is also key to overcoming it all.

Learning breathing exercises.

Post-traumatic stress on the other hand, is born out of abnormal events. Like those mentioned above. Thus, they require other therapeutic tools like mindfulness and EMDR. In the case of ptsd, knowing your triggers may not be helpful. We can however, acknowledge them and say, “I know you are there, but you don’t have to rule my life.” The great thing about this approach is that you now have a framework to refine your skills. For example, strong mindfulness skills can get you through the noise and fear of a crowded environment; thereby improving your quality of life.

So, let today be your day. Make it so by acknowledging what is causing your anxiety. Furthermore, work on the skills you are learning in therapy to help you cope. It will liberate you so that you can have more good days than bad.