When the fog rolls in

When The Fog Rolls In

If you happen to be in touch with your mental illness(s), you know when a storm is brewing. A mental health storm, at least from my experience, has a certain familiarity to them. You just know when the fog rolls in that it may decide to hold you captive.

In my case, I can tell you exactly when my PTSD has acquired enough strength to highjack my wellness. While it may be true that I am often oblivious to the cause, even still, I attribute its source to a forgotten nightmare. Why? Because its symptoms often set in after I wake.

It is under these circumstances when I feel it’s often too late to prevent a full-blown traumatic episode.

All I do know is that when the fog rolls in, its near impossible to mount a defence. This of course, isn’t every time but when it’s especially thick, often, my only option is to hunker down and wait it out.

Not surprisingly, my major PTSD episodes start out with a consistent feeling. A feeling of dread that lingers off in the distance when I first wake. I find it very similar to when I was staring face to face with a traumatic incident; leading me to believe that something dreadful followed me back into this reality.

Full list of PTSD symptoms.

It is for this reason that I feel forgotten nightmares are responsible. I have reached this conclusion because more often than not, it comes for me in my slumber.

It is under these circumstances when I feel it’s often too late to prevent a full-blown traumatic episode; as the fog rolls in, no amount of mindfulness can fight it off. Similarly, I find any other form of therapy ineffective.

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Needless to say, trying to navigate my way through this heavy brain fog is difficult at best and completely impossible at worst. Ironically, it’s the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder themselves that are to blame.

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With these symptoms, there seems to be a sequence to them. They are as follows:

  1. A deep sense of dread upon awakening (whether I remember the nightmare or not).
  2. Level 10 brain fog.
  3. An increase of my fight, flight or freeze response.
  4. Thus, turning up the dial of my startle response.
  5. Easily irritated or angered.
  6. Find everything overwhelming.
When the fog rolls in

So, if you were to ask me which PTSD symptom is the most difficult, I would say, in short, all of them. However, with that said, being easily overwhelmed and the inherent startle response, is, without a doubt the ones that put me out of commission.

So, what’s the remedy?

The only thing I can offer in the way of advice if you go through something similar is to do nothing. Moreover, learn to be ok with that.

Despite what we think, we are human, not superhuman and because of that, we must learn to understand PTSD, depression, anxiety and many other mental health conditions are going to win a battle every now and then; that my friend is a fact.

Ask yourself this; Can I have a day here and there to just ride the wave? I’m happy to say that it works for me and it too can work for you. In my case, It’s effective because I feel zero guilt and not an ounce of shame. I’m sick and I’m done pretending otherwise.

Ways to be self-compassionate

I truly hope that the next time the fog rolls in that you will be kind to yourself. The storm will pass and as long as you’re not running away from it every day; riding it out can be the best thing for your mental health.

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I need to keep trying

I Need To Keep Trying

So here I am, finding myself starting yet another medication. Although this is but one of many I have willingly subjected myself to, I need to keep trying. I am hopeful that the chemical compound contained within the latest capsule will bring me some relief.

At this juncture, I have lost count of how many pharmaceuticals I have tried; all I know is that they have all proven to be ineffective. With each failed attempt comes a feeling of disappointment, but despite that, I must carry on.

If at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again.

Now, on this latest round, one I just started two days ago; I can say that my chemistry handles the initial stages of a new med pretty well the same. These new meds, sedate me and immerse my mind in a thick blanket of brain fog.

Medications used to treat mental illness.

Normally, I find the initial introduction quite debilitating and difficult to deal with; because I feel useless and like and even bigger burden to my loved ones. However, I remind myself that it is meant to quell the depression and PTSD so that I may return amongst the living.

I Need To Keep Trying

You may be asking yourself why I put myself through one failed attempt after another? Well, I remember what it was like to be functional enough to enjoy life on a more consistent scale. Since losing the long battle with the post-traumatic symptoms, I have not been able to do so.

Also, I have a bit of built-in stubborn streak that I have had with me all my life so as long as I’m alive I plan to win the war. When you think about it, no matter how bad things get, as long as you are alive, you have the opportunity to get better.

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So, with that said, I shall overcome this medication hurtle and hope for the best. You know what they say; If at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again.

Please, if you feel like giving up, don’t. I do understand the feeling of; “what’s the point” but the truth is, there’s always a reason to keep fighting. Do what it takes to beat your mental illness. in the moment and one pill at a time.

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Another Battle For The Mentally Ill

For those suffering from a mental health condition, everyday life can feel like it’s as demanding as much out of you as a head of state. The storm that we call mental fog rolls in, slowing one’s ability to think and the ability to perform slows down to a crawl. I’m usually spent before noon. This exhaustion can impact motor coordination and as a result, it can cause one to fumble and struggle with even the simplest of tasks.

For those on the outside looking in, it can appear as though those with mental illness are clumsy and natural underperformers. Sadly, at least in my experience, we can be the brunt of many jokes and sometimes, verbal hostility. I admit, our partners and other loved ones must find this very frustrating living with one who mentally stumbles often…. Trust me, I understand that frustration.

I don’t know what your experience is like when mental fog  dominates your mental faculties, but I end up getting just as frustrated as the people around me, its a tough go, trying to figure out where you left your keys or trying to repair something, only to lose track of what the steps are to complete the task. these things frustrate the shit out of me. They also require more energy out of me.

Recommended reading

This rapid burnout is yet another battle for the mental health community because it’s a very common symptom the mentally well-minded simply can not see. With all the symptoms of mental disorders being that of neurological origin,  I’m not sure you can get others to understand this illness to a degree that would lend itself to the level of that it understanding requires.

That being said, mental illness and its symptoms, whether you see them or not, are as real as the sun in our skies. It’s in our nature to make judgements based on what we are observing in any giving moment however, we all need to ask ourselves, “What Does what I am seeing actually mean?”

Understanding mental illness

If you know someone with mental illness and you see them struggling, its because they are; they are struggling to keep pace with the rest of humanity. So please be kind, they have probably been made fun of because of they efforts to push themselves only to mess up the tasks they are doing, they are tired; tired from being sick, sedated by their medications and tired of the stigma of mental illness.

if you are suffering from PTSD or another mental illness, please reach out. I thank you for your service and you are still worthy and mean something. I believe in you!

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You may also enjoy: I am vulnerable: I’m good with that.

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