Sparring With Anxiety

It is said that we accumulate wisdom as we age. I tend to think, for me at least that this is indeed the case. That being said, I acquired this wisdom by embarking on a personal journey to discover my authenticity, my true self that, up until recent history, I had seldom given it a thought. Maybe it’s because I’ve been sparring with anxiety.

After my first mental boxing match with, mental illness had successfully beaten me down after several rounds, I was forced to admit defeat. But like any determined fighter, I worked hard to discover, not only my own weaknesses but also, those of my opponent.

allowed my mental disorders to keep knocking me down, round after round.

When I first started to fight back, I, well, frankly; I sucked at it and like many young people, I thought I was indestructible, that nothing could whoop my ass. So my young self, naive and out of touch with, not only my illnesses but was also a stranger to my true self. I was nothing more than a template that society had formed and moulded.

Get a job, get married, buy a house, you know the drill. I didn’t seem to fit the mould of social expectation and my anxiety hated the “me” that was nothing but a factory model of thousands that had come before and after me. My young self was ill-equipped to deal with the mental illnesses storm that was on the horizon. My coping tool? Tuck and roll and plow through it. We are not allowed to seek shelter from our “perfect life,” So I allowed my mental disorders to keep knocking me down, round after round.

Slowly, I was enveloped by anxiety and depression. It would take tens years to win the fight but up until then, it didn’t only whip my ass, it knocked me out cold. Sad, I had waited until I hit the canvas and ended up in a mental health crisis before I was forced to take a look at why I was losing the war.

I started knocking mental illness to its knees.

The more I got defeated, the more I hit the mat, the more I was forced to get to know who I was as a person and the force that ruled over my life.

Despite losing match after match, I kept right on sparring with my anxiety and depression until I could predict their moves and exploit their weakness.

My, Breaking away from what’s expected and learning to love and accept that I have a sensitive disposition, am a helper to my core and live off compassion. I love being creative and believe that love is the life force in all of us. Once I gave myself permission to explore the real me, I started knocking mental illness to its knees.

In my wisdom, I know that I will always have to fight on and that I will win some days and lose others but because I am edging closer and closer to my authenticate self, sparring with my anxiety and depression is taken on with more vigour and determination than ever.
To learn how you can manage anxiety and depression click here: LifeStyle Changes That Help Anxiety And Depression.
If you are suffering from PTSD, please reach out. I thank you for your service and you are still worthy and mean something. I believe in you!
If you are struggling please go here: Crisis Services Canada
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At Odds With The Self

PTSD I am at war! A fight for my life and all that I love and hold sacred. This conflict is not so much raging against the exterior world around me although I have to say that it provides my enemy with enough ammunition to keep us in the throws of combat for many years to come.

As painful as a prospect of this campaign continuing on for the foreseeable future is, it’s almost more so thinking about how long I have danced with my arch-nemesis. Combining the two thoughts together sometimes makes me wonder how I will take on the next battle and the one after that.
Who is this enemy you ask?  It’s the battle with the self, two factions within my head, vying for supremacy.

The back and forth confrontations of my authentic voice and the voice of mental illness.

How I will win this fight is not entirely certain but what I do know is that I don’t intend to lose. Therefore I will fight on for as long as the anxiety, depression and PTSD want to rage on. Sure I’m outnumbered and it’s true that they sometimes attack alone, in the darkness, at family gatherings or in the local supermarket for that matter. A solo assault I rarely see coming and seldom do I understand its triggers.

Listen to the stories of others at – anewdawnaa.com

When one of them isn’t trying to ambush me, all three form an alliance of pain in an all-out effort to end the war and take their object, my mental well being. These are the toughest, most taunting battles and take so much out of me that I find I have little choice but to avoid the world beyond my doorstep. I guess even the hardest of soldiers need to go on leave, my war is no exception. With this rest, I live to fight another day.

Although this battle is at times, exceptionally difficult, I fancy myself a long-time veteran of this mental tug of war and have spent years learning my disorders battle tactics. Luckily for me, they don’t deviate much from this plan and I am able to deploy my weapons to fight back. Good diet, exercise, deep breathing, and therapy.

My own tactics have given me the upper hand because I am able to discern my authentic voice from that of anxiety, depression and PTSD. I shall never surrender, my loving support system is my mental H bomb and it always keeps me in the fight.

My fellow road to wellness warriors, keep fighting the good fight. Although exhausting, it is absolutely worth every battle scar it leaves behind.

You may also enjoy: Mental Illness and Cleaning out the Garage, What do they have in common? 

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