Those Ironic Moments

Our lives are full of those ironic moments, Some funny, while others not so much. One aspect of my life that is full of irony is my never-ending battle with PTSD and depression; the two of the three mental illnesses that wreak the most havoc.

Because I have made it my mission to fight like hell for my health; with the primary goal being to live the best life with those I love. Admittedly, this process can have some ironic consequences.

Take this constant medication thing, I have had little success in administering any of them. It’s s quite something to put yourself through over and over, hoping for fewer side effects and more effectiveness.

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Sadly, this is not been my experience. As a matter of fact, the only help they have given me is a euphoric period when I first start a new regime. During the breaking in period, if you will, I feel great!

But, ironically, this great feeling is not real; and while it seems like its working, it’s merely my neurochemistry and the med getting acquainted. So far, that’s the only relief from the mental pain I have experienced.

Unfortunately, once they get to know one another, the feeling of freedom dwindles. As a consequence, my brain becomes complacent and the mental illness creeps in.

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What the ultimate form of irony is, is that the very act of trying new meds; to create a better life with family requires a temporary retreat. The euphoria I spoke of earlier also comes with a feeling of sedation. This manufactured exhaustion takes me out, puts me down and I miss a lot.

Those Ironic Moments

I am attempting to work off the theory of short term pain for long term gain but I have to say, it just seems long. Moreover, with this up and down motion, feeling good to severe depression and PTSD symptoms; is more of a torture than an improvement. It’s like being in tow different states of reality.

However, I remain undeterred and still up for the fight. My motivation for a mentally healthy mind will never be quelled. My loved ones are the guiding light through it all, the brain fog, the flashbacks and long sleepless nights. I know that one day, I will be able to hold my head up high with pride, knowing that I beat mental illness back to the degree that it can no longer rob me of time with my family. At the end of the day, it will be worth all those Ironic moments.

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Contact: The Road To Mental Wellness

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Fake News For the Brain.

Mental illness is a hell of a thing to be stricken with. When in darker times, it fools you into thinking all kinds of things. Essentially, it’s fake news for the brain. So, I bet you’re wondering how our very own brains can be the source of and interior misinformation campaign?

Well, you may find it helpful to reflect on days when this misinformation monster is sleeping and you are feeling more like yourself. Have you ever noticed that when you feel well, you are much kinder to yourself? This is because the better you feel, the more in touch you are with your authentic self. In other words, it’s you doing the talking.

However, when you are overcome with PTSD, depression, anxiety or something similar, The fake news reporter starts telling untruths. Lies like “You’re not worthy” and “you are nothing but a burden”.

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What’s interesting to me is that we seem to be suspectable to its manipulation. Hearing, what is obviously its false claims long enough, we start to believe them as fact. Which no matter how many times our mental health conditions talk to us, it will always be wrong.

learn to differentiate the fake news that is propagated by your mental illness voice from that of your authentic self.

However, keeping this in mind does little to help one fight off the negative thoughts. What I suggest is that you make a list of all your authentic qualities when you are well; this way you can have some of your truth written in your own words, right in front of you when you need them most.

This pre-episode assessment is helpful because, despite what the inner demon says, you have actual facts to the contrary; all you have to do is accept them as just that, fact.

How to break yourself out of negative thinking.

learn to differentiate the fake news that is propagated.

As is true with most things, beating this fake news for the brain is easier said than done. Why? Well, I think it’s because it’s had to ditch that in which we have become accustomed. The good news? Is that we also have the power to take control of our guidance systems and make this lying voice smaller and smaller.

For example, mindfulness, once practiced enough can help bring you back to the here and now. Read about my experience with mindfulness here.

Other things including honest feedback. We are oftentimes unaware of our own behaviours, therefore, asking someone you trust can signal that you’re not yourself. Journalling can be a great way to get a sense of where you might be.

Overall, for me, the primary alarm bells for me come when I am spending more and more time in bed, low energy and isolation. It’s usually proceeded by this negative self talk. Often, I am able to fight it off simply because I know the signs. However, there are moments where all I can do is ride the wave until the storm passes.

Remember, at the end of the day, being in a darker place is what spawns these thoughts and are not a reflection of who you are. They are symptoms of your mental health condition. What defines you as a person is something that took years to shape. Are you really not a good person? Most of us who are ill are, in our hearts kind and caring, helpful and funny.

Feel like you’re all alone? A New Dawn Podcast has many real-life stories of people just like you.

So, learn to differentiate the fake news that is propagated by your mental illness voice from that of your authentic self; my prediction is that you will be able to be a more functional player in your life and as a result, will be well on your way; down the road to mental wellness.

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Contact: The Road To Mental Wellness

I Need To Keep Trying

So here I am, finding myself starting yet another medication. Although this is but one of many I have willingly subjected myself to, I need to keep trying. I am hopeful that the chemical compound contained within the latest capsule will bring me some relief.

At this juncture, I have lost count of how many pharmaceuticals I have tried; all I know is that they have all proven to be ineffective. With each failed attempt comes a feeling of disappointment, but despite that, I must carry on.

If at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again.

Now, on this latest round, one I just started two days ago; I can say that my chemistry handles the initial stages of a new med pretty well the same. These new meds, sedate me and immerse my mind in a thick blanket of brain fog.

Medications used to treat mental illness.

Normally, I find the initial introduction quite debilitating and difficult to deal with; because I feel useless and like and even bigger burden to my loved ones. However, I remind myself that it is meant to quell the depression and PTSD so that I may return amongst the living.

I Need To Keep Trying

You may be asking yourself why I put myself through one failed attempt after another? Well, I remember what it was like to be functional enough to enjoy life on a more consistent scale. Since losing the long battle with the post-traumatic symptoms, I have not been able to do so.

Also, I have a bit of built-in stubborn streak that I have had with me all my life so as long as I’m alive I plan to win the war. When you think about it, no matter how bad things get, as long as you are alive, you have the opportunity to get better.

Want to hear more stories from people like you? Go to A New Dawn Podcast

So, with that said, I shall overcome this medication hurtle and hope for the best. You know what they say; If at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again.

Please, if you feel like giving up, don’t. I do understand the feeling of; “what’s the point” but the truth is, there’s always a reason to keep fighting. Do what it takes to beat your mental illness. in the moment and one pill at a time.

Want to help make my book a reality? Donate here: GoFundMe

Contact: The Road To Mental Wellness

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