Please, no drama! If you’ve spent anytime swiping left or right on a dating site, you know this statement is common.
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Please, no drama! If you’ve spent anytime swiping left or right on a dating site, you know this statement is common. I don’t know why, though. To me, it translates into “I want to find someone to date, but I don’t want to find someone to date.” How have I arrived at this interpretation of this one-liner? Well, where on this earth are you going to find someone who doesn’t produce some sort of drama? Furthermore, I would say it’s Imperative that one evaluates the amount of drama that they produce before demanding a drama-free partner.
Personally, I low-key cringe when I see little statements like this. However, that’s not to say that I don’t understand why some make this request. Perhaps they had a long arduous relationship with a narcissist, or perhaps their last relationship was so incompatible that all they did was fight.
Been there myself and quite frankly, it’s exhausting. So, it’s no wonder people are keen on finding a “drama-free” relationship. But can we really end up in a drama- free scenario with another human being? As far as I can tell, the answer is
“maybe.” By the way, those relationships I was in? I brought my own “drama” to the table. We all do.
4 fundamentals for authentic love
However, I’m inclined to lean more towards the answer “no.” I just don’t think that humans are that angelic. It should go without saying, we humans are flawed and are subject to spectrum of behaviors based on experience, temperament, and genetics. In other words, if there is a drama-free person out there, they would be a rarity to say the least. In fact, they would be so rare a find that they would have to be a saint.
Let’s be honest here: life is hard – a reality that no one is immune from. This includes the people that are looking for a person with a drama-free portfolio.
So, then, what’s a person to do? Well, stay single of course? While there’s nothing wrong with this option if you want it, it is problematic if you are one who’s looking for love.
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What I have to say next is the definition of cliché, but it is true. In order to find love, you must love yourself. Blah, right? Trending buzzwords make me cringe. However, queasy as it may be, your ability to improve how you feel about yourself is the first piece to finding a healthy relationship.
Essentially, what we are talking about here is self-awareness. Imagine, you make you a priority. Not in a self-centred sense, but rather, in a way that allows you to evaluate what areas of yourself you need to work on.
For instance, say you clam up whenever you are confronted with a serious conversation. If so, here we have a behaviour that most relationships can’t function with. If you find this sounds like you, face it head-on! How? Honestly, the best way is through therapy, a good life coach or taking a communications course.
- You’re Only Human
- You’ll Be Okay My Friend
- You didn’t ask for PTSD
- You can’t ignore PTSD
- You can’t control the environment
- You are more than you think you are
The basics in good communication
Believe it or not, there are more effective ways of communicating to others. I know that many may think that they are silly. Regardless of how you feel about them, they do, nonetheless, work. Below are but a few to get you started.
1. I-statements
No, they are not ways for you talk incessantly about yourself. Rather, they are a non-confrontational way of expressing how you feel about something or someone’s behaviour.
“I feel angry when you _____________; or I feel sad when because _____________.
Active listening
Give the person you are communicating with your full attention. One trick I like to use is to pretend to be an audience member: listening to the keynote speaker. Essentially, those who you are listening to are the world’s leading authority on the subject of themselves. You are there to learn what it is they are passing on.
Feedback
And finally, provide feedback that validities their thoughts and feelings.
So, you’re feeling sad because I __________? Or, what I hear you saying is I made you feel angry because I did ___________?
We communicate better when we follow up with something like:
“I can see that you are really bothered by what I’ve said/done. What can I do to make it better?”
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As you can see, this method of communication is open-ended. In other words, it doesn’t limit the response you get. Similarly, it’s just plain kinder and therefore, minimizes defensiveness and yelling.
In layman’s terms, this communication style allows for open and honest, non-aggressive communication which can take a relationship to another level of intimacy. And one of its other amazing benefits? It allows a couple to manage and deal with the drama that comes standard with human beings.
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I agree, I think communication is definitely really important.