Please – No Drama

Please, no drama! If you’ve spent anytime swiping left or right on a dating site, you know this statement is common.

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Please, no drama! If you’ve spent anytime swiping left or right on a dating site, you know this statement is common. I don’t know why, though. To me, it translates into “I want to find someone to date, but I don’t want to find someone to date.” How have I arrived at this interpretation of this one-liner? Well, where on this earth are you going to find someone who doesn’t produce some sort of drama? Furthermore, I would say it’s Imperative that one evaluates the amount of drama that they produce before demanding a drama-free partner.

Personally, I low-key cringe when I see little statements like this. However, that’s not to say that I don’t understand why some make this request. Perhaps they had a long arduous relationship with a narcissist, or perhaps their last relationship was so incompatible that all they did was fight.

Been there myself and quite frankly, it’s exhausting. So, it’s no wonder people are keen on finding a “drama-free” relationship. But can we really end up in a drama- free scenario with another human being? As far as I can tell, the answer is
“maybe.” By the way, those relationships I was in? I brought my own “drama” to the table. We all do.

4 fundamentals for authentic love

However, I’m inclined to lean more towards the answer “no.” I just don’t think that humans are that angelic. It should go without saying, we humans are flawed and are subject to spectrum of behaviors based on experience, temperament, and genetics. In other words, if there is a drama-free person out there, they would be a rarity to say the least. In fact, they would be so rare a find that they would have to be a saint.

Let’s be honest here: life is hard – a reality that no one is immune from. This includes the people that are looking for a person with a drama-free portfolio.

So, then, what’s a person to do? Well, stay single of course? While there’s nothing wrong with this option if you want it, it is problematic if you are one who’s looking for love.

8 signs your relationship is hurting your mental health.

What I have to say next is the definition of cliché, but it is true. In order to find love, you must love yourself. Blah, right? Trending buzzwords make me cringe. However, queasy as it may be, your ability to improve how you feel about yourself is the first piece to finding a healthy relationship.

Essentially, what we are talking about here is self-awareness. Imagine, you make you a priority. Not in a self-centred sense, but rather, in a way that allows you to evaluate what areas of yourself you need to work on.

For instance, say you clam up whenever you are confronted with a serious conversation. If so, here we have a behaviour that most relationships can’t function with. If you find this sounds like you, face it head-on! How? Honestly, the best way is through therapy, a good life coach or taking a communications course.

The basics in good communication

Believe it or not, there are more effective ways of communicating to others. I know that many may think that they are silly. Regardless of how you feel about them, they do, nonetheless, work. Below are but a few to get you started.

1. I-statements

No, they are not ways for you talk incessantly about yourself. Rather, they are a non-confrontational way of expressing how you feel about something or someone’s behaviour.

“I feel angry when you _____________; or I feel sad when because _____________.

Active listening

Give the person you are communicating with your full attention. One trick I like to use is to pretend to be an audience member: listening to the keynote speaker. Essentially, those who you are listening to are the world’s leading authority on the subject of themselves. You are there to learn what it is they are passing on.

Feedback

And finally, provide feedback that validities their thoughts and feelings.

So, you’re feeling sad because I __________? Or, what I hear you saying is I made you feel angry because I did ___________?

We communicate better when we follow up with something like:

“I can see that you are really bothered by what I’ve said/done. What can I do to make it better?”

Now, you can listen to our posts – go to our Audio blogs page.

As you can see, this method of communication is open-ended. In other words, it doesn’t limit the response you get. Similarly, it’s just plain kinder and therefore, minimizes defensiveness and yelling.

Front and back cover of the road to mental wellness - 8 sings your relationship is hurting your mental health.
Find out more below – Written for therapeutic release, published in hopes it helps you.

In layman’s terms, this communication style allows for open and honest, non-aggressive communication which can take a relationship to another level of intimacy. And one of its other amazing benefits? It allows a couple to manage and deal with the drama that comes standard with human beings.

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Jonathan Arenburg

Jonathan Arenburg is a mental health blogger, S speaker, writer, and published author; He is also the host of the mental wellness podcast, #thewellnesstalksHe has also appeared in the i'Mpossible's Lemonade Stand III. He has also been a contributing writer for Mental health talk, a column in his local paper. In addition, he has also written for the mental health advocacy organization; Sick Not Weak.Jonathan has also appeared on several mental health-related podcasts Including: A New Dawn, The Depression Files, Books and Authors, and Men Are Nuts. Since being put off work because of PTSD, Jonathan has dedicated his time to his mental wellness journey while helping others along the way.Educated as an addictions' counsellor, he has dedicated most of his professional life of eighteen years, working with those who have intellectual disabilities, behavioural challenges, and mental illness.He has also spent fifteen years in the volunteer fire service helping his community.His new book (2021), “The Road To Mental Wellness,” goes into detail about his life-long battle with depression, anxiety and more recently, PTSD. In it, he hopes to provide insight on how mental illness cultivates over a lifetime and, if not recognized and treated, how it impacts the entirety of one's life; right from childhood into the adult years. Jonathan lives with his two children in Nova Scotia, Canada.

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