We often hear, “You have to love yourself before you can love another.” I tend to think this is true. But Self-love – it matters for more reasons than you think. Find out why.
Learning to love yourself is a formidable mountain unto itself, but so worth the pain it produces. For in its aftermath, is a new sense of peace, purpose, and, well, you! While it may seem self-evident that self-love is a game changer, we might not appreciate its full power.
However, there are a few things that I deem necessary to clarify. First off, being unkind and masking it in truth and honesty are not indications that you love yourself. Secondly, Self-love can only be realized by a growth mindset. Doing the same ole, same ole, will, in most cases, not get you where you need to be.
So, for example, if you have a temper, you know how awful you feel about yourself when it flares. “Man, I hate myself for yelling and being mean.” followed by, “I’m such an a**hole.” While getting angry is healthy, to some extent, it can be problematic if you’re quick to blow.
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In this example, the opposite of a growth mindset is to say, “Oh, well, I am who I am.” But ask yourself this: “What growing am I doing if I endorse a behaviour that makes me hate myself?” Sorry to say, the answer is none.
Alternatively, if you truly hate your temper, the question you should ask yourself is. “How do I go about learning to control it?” First off, recognize that your temper is a by-product of something and therefore, does not define you as a person. So, below, are some ways to work on improving yourself.
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The most important thing to keep in mind is that a temper makes up but a portion of who you are, so be kind to yourself. Simply acknowledge it and work on it every day. Remember, it seems so pervasive in your life because anger by its very nature is intense.
Second, you can find an anger management class. While these get a bad rap from movies and others, they are, nonetheless, a great place to start. However, if you’re not into group sessions, which isn’t the thing for many, individual counselling is a great alternative.
Or better yet, combine the two! A journey to grow means you take every opportunity to better yourself.
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Self-love – it matters for more reasons than you think
So, in what ways does self-love matter? Well, for starters, once self-actualized, it’s like a veil of self-hate has been lifted. So, for that reason alone, it matters a lot. More than that, though, it gives us strength to fix and or turn away from our old selves and towards all the things we always wanted but didn’t feel worthy to go after. I. e, because we were consumed by our depression, for example.
But let’s take the temper example: if one can work towards minimizing their episodes, then they will, almost by default, turn down the self-hate. This “turning down the hate volume.” often clears the air to hear all the things one loves about themselves. And the bonus of it all? Because of it, we will be motivated to keep growing.
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And once one has a genuine love for themselves, they will not only find healthier intimate partner relationships, but their world will open up.
That’s why self-love matters more than you think. Once you are in a better relationship with yourself, you will find that you have more desire to pursue long-held passions for example. Not only will you have the mental energy to love another and follow a passion, but you’ll also probably find yourself wanting to improve even more.
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For instance: your courage may land you in the gym or tying up those running shoes; maybe you’ll take that dream trip or chase that dream job.
Whatever you’re secretly hiding deep down, you are much more likely to bring it to the surface and go after it if you take action to grow into loving you.
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Self-love – it matters for more reasons than you think.