The one person you’re not setting boundaries with

The Road To Mental Wellness > Mental Health > The one person you’re not setting boundaries with

Follow us

As part of the trending buzzwords vernacular of the internet, one can easily seek advice on how to set boundaries. And it’s no wonder it’s popular. Many of us are really bad at setting them. However, if we work on achieving better boundaries, we can live a better life.

The amazing power of boundary-setting is that it can cultivate a peace that can be rather liberating. No, you’re not the bad guy because you don’t want to be used and or abused anymore. Trust me, once the dust settles from drawing the line, the better you will feel. Why? Well, because the person you’ve communicated your limits to, will do one of two things.

First, they may blame you but then estrange themselves from you – or two, they will be willing to work them out. Either way, it’s a better scenario than the pain and suffering you were enduring.

Does it feel bad? Sure, at first, but as time passes and you see effort or a continued abandonment from people, you will feel better. I like to look at it from. the “tearing off the Band-Aid effect.” Yes, to remove a Band-Aid does cause pain, but if you tear it off quickly, the pain is considerably less than if you were to peel it off slowly.

How to set boundaries

Personally, I’ve learned many things over the years, and one of the most important was that it’s okay not to be liked; it really is. I mean, with so many people in the world, you will find people who will respect the limits you set. Heck, some people will instinctively know where they lie.

So, once I learnt this, I was freed to trim my circle. Not only was there zero guilt, but now, I have the room to invite people who legitimately liked me. What do I mean by “I have room?” I mean I had/have the headspace. Less stress from others creates a space for love, and thus a sense of connection and safety. In a nutshell, healthy connections with others produces happiness.

The one person you’re not setting boundaries with.

There is however, one person that we seem to have the most difficulty setting limits with. That one person who we tend to be the hardest on. Who’s this person you ask? Why ourselves, of course.

Whether my depression likes it or not, I’m fighting back

With that said, I often wonder how many people think about the need to set boundaries with themselves – especially those with mental illness?

For instance, when depression speaks, we have often found ourselves shutting out the outside world. Sadly, when a depressive episode strikes, we opt for our beds. While I personally think this is a good thing, I also think too much down-time is harmful.

Notice: While there is nothing wrong with self-care onto itself, I think one needs to evaluate what it means. So, staying in bed for long periods of time should not be considered self-care. The fundamental question here is, “Is it healthy to never do anything but work and go to bed?” Further, one might do better to ask, “What other things can I do that are healthier options for me?”

Read: Depressed State Of Mind

Front and back cover of the road to mental wellness - 8 sings your relationship is hurting your mental health.
Want to get the complete Audiobook version Free! Go to our Homepage and use the Scriber form to receive our newsletter. Boom the book is yours.

The rundown.

So, in the example above, a preference for long bouts of bedtime, may be all one can muster at times, but how long is too long? Moreover, should we subscribe to the idea that everyone is different? To me, the answer is both yes and no. Yes, everyone’s impacted by mental illness differently – but no, it should not be used as a method by which one stays in bed.

As I often can be heard saying, “Regardless of how limited your energy is, you still have a choice where you get to put it,” you do, in fact have a choice; and a method by which you can choose. Your choice can be made by setting boundaries with

Yup that’s right! you are no exception in the case of setting boundaries. After all, “I am my own worst enemy” is a saying for a reason. SO, let’s dive into this.

  • “How to Build Resilience for Better Mental Health”
    “How to Build Resilience for Better Mental Health” is a brief media piece that highlights the importance of resilience in promoting mental wellness. The piece provides practical tips on how to cultivate resilience in daily life, such as practicing self-care, seeking support, and reframing negative thoughts. It emphasizes that building resilience is a process that requires time and effort, but the benefits of doing so can be profound, including improved emotional regulation, better stress management, and greater adaptability in the face of adversity. Overall, “How to Build Resilience for Better Mental Health” is a valuable resource for anyone looking to enhance their mental wellbeing and navigate life’s challenges with greater ease.
  • 10 of the best ways to reduce stress
    While stress can actually be good for us, too much of it can seriously disrupt our everyday lives. Here are 10 of the best ways to reduce stress.
  • 10 signs that your new relationship is off to a healthy start.
    Discover the 10 signs that your new relationship is off to a healthy start. Learn about the key indicators of a strong relationship.
  • 10 signs you’re a highly sensitive person.
    So, do you wear the world like a coat, 10 signs you’re a highly sensitive person and why being highly sensitive is amazing!
  • 10 Signs your mental health is improving
    10 Signs your mental health is improving – Can you recognize when your mental health is improving? If not these 10 things can help.
  • 10 Tips for Reducing Overthinking
    As we watch 2022 leave in the rearview mirror, why not use 2023 as a year of healing? To start, here are 10 Tips for Reducing Overthinking.

Now, you can listen to our posts – go to our Audio blogs page.

There’s no doubt that depression is debilitating. This mental health condition can take us out of living. However, we can still manage it by fighting back.

So, in my case, I give myself permission to go to bed and close off from the world. But…… What I don’t do is let it become my “go to.” Essentially, I set limits. For example, when a depressive episode hits, I allow a max of three days to rest.

I find this method handy because it holds me accountable. I, within that three-day window, commit to getting up. Whether my depression likes it or not, I’m fighting back! How though? Well, in simple terms, in any way I can. So, for example, if this means I force myself outside to sit on my front step, that’s what I do.

Fresh air in the lungs could invigorate me just enough to go onto something else. More often than not for example, I end up going for a walk once I feel the air.

Setting limits on spending time in the darkness can get you back to living again. Just be sure you are following through on the limits you’ve laid down.

In crisis? Go to Crisis Services Canada

Again, we are all impacted differently by mental illness, but that doesn’t mean we can’t come up with a plan to work through the harder times in our lives.

Follow us

Jonathan Arenburg

Jonathan Reginald-Nixon Arenburg (Born January 14, 1976) is a Canadian mental health blogger, speaker, and published author. Retired from the fire service and long-term care fields, he has written and self-published an autobiographical account of his life-long battle with anxiety, depression and more recently, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Titled, The Road To Mental Wellness, he wrote it for what he calls “therapeutic release.” He published it in hopes it would help others going through similar mental health conditions. The sales of The Road To Mental Wellness have been steady selling over 300 copies since its release on October 10, 2021(World Mental Health Day). Arenburg has also been involved in a collaborative publication Called Lemonade Stand Volume III, a book featuring 20 authors who bravely tell their stories of PTSD. All authors where from the military and or emergency services. Published by Joshua Rivedal and Kathleen Myers for the i’Mpossible project, a mental health advocacy organization. Jonathan has also appeared on several mental health podcasts including The Depression Files, A New Dawn, and The Above Ground Podcast Arenburg has also consulted with the Government of Nova Scotia and the Minister of Mental Health and Addictions, the Honorable Brian Comer and Candidates for the New Democratic Party of Canada, on improving the mental health care system in Canada. Additionally, Jonathan was recognized in The Nova Scotia Legislature by the Honorable, Chris Palmer, Kings-North MLA, for his Book, The Road To Mental Wellness, his fight to make the mental health care system better. In addition, Chis acknowledged the support he gives to others.

One thought on “The one person you’re not setting boundaries with

Please leave a comment and tell us what you liked about what you read.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.