4 fundamentals for authentic love – I think we need to learn to embrace the totality of a partner or potential partner.Tweet
After 46 years of roaming the Earth, I’ve yet to meet anyone with their life
totally together. What’s more, you will rarely find anyone who doesn’t have
a past and that impacts their present.
While we want to make our own lives as smooth and seamless as possible, it
is a goal that will never be obtained, at least not to a perfect degree. One
thing that we have to remember is that the universe is created from chaos. And
you, my friend, are a small sliver of said universe.
So, what does this mean exactly? Well, I think it tells us that the need for
perfectionism is a social construct – and, therefore, contradicts our true nature.
Or if you will, fantasy vs. reality.
With the need for, let’s say, the perfect partner in our lives, where does this leave us? In some sense I think that it can exacerbate depression, or at least, enhanced loneliness.
The sad truth is, if we require a flawed individual to check all our perfect
boxes, we will be sadly disappointed every time. In this case, you’ll likely
never get what you want.
But with that said, you can and should look for the elements that enhance a
These qualities will, of course be different for different people, however, the foundation which a healthy relationship is built on, seem to be similar.
Chief among them is the following: The 4 fundamentals for
Believe it or not, the old saying “opposites attract” appears to be obsolete.
Those who tend to have more successful relationships tend to have people in their lives who are more like themselves. And from what I can tell, it makes sense. An inactive movie-lover, for example, may frustrate and complicate their partner who’s active and loves hiking. While having individual differences can be healthy, someone who treasures being at home, may find it difficult being with someone who always
wants to be on the go. Now, that’s not to say that differences don’t work. In
fact, they are also necessary.
2. Individual differences
While it seems that those with similarities tend to bond better than people who are opposites, we all have our things that we love to do. So, for example, if your partner loves motorbikes and loves to go to the bike club, let them. Similarly, if you like
to take cooking classes, a good partner will embrace that and be happy for you.
3. Striking a balance
People who understand and encourage their partner’s independence, also need to do things they enjoy with their significant other. You are after all, a couple.
Being authentic and honest. Be sure to be open and honest with how you feel. Those who have figured this out, for example, do their best to do the following:
Actively listen – Simply stated, active listening is listening to hear what the person is saying and not listening to react. Those couples who work on this approach will minimize the feelings of defensiveness. As a side note, being honest should never be used as justification to “tell it like it is.” This approach can generally be seen as a defensive posture and it’s not a healthy communication style.
Genuine concern – When we have a rough patch in our lives, those partners who show genuine concern are keepers. Why? Because they are your biggest fan – those who are authentic and genuine will march right beside you in your endeavors. Not only will they stand beside you, but they will also do their utmost to support your venture.
Even though these are but a few elements that make a healthy relationship,
there are more. Your personal add-ons, if you will. Like for example, “must love
dogs.” However, it’s important to realize that you will not find someone who
you’re 100% conflict-free from, with quirks that you find difficult and challenges
with differences in how they live their day-to-day.
And finally, I think we need to learn to embrace the totality of a partner
or potential partner. In other words, take them at their core and work around
their outer edges. With that said, it’s important to learn about deviant
behavior and once you learn more about dark triad behaviours, you can see the
red flags and make a b-line for the door.
4 fundamentals for authentic love – copyright – 2022