Life is not and never will be a steady state. Thankfully our pain will be met with joy, our joy met with pain, and so on. It’s all about what life can teach us.
A few days ago, I celebrated my forty-six birthday. With that said, I want to be honest here. I almost didn’t make it.
2021 was probably the most trying time of my life. Nay, it was the worst – 100%. Moreover, my post-traumatic symptoms, while served with a significant counterattack, were still winning the war.
And by the end of summer, 2021, I had decided I had only one option left. “I know of one sure way to end my pain.” A statement that echoed in my head with so much regularity that I became content with it. What’s more, it infiltrated my voice of reason and on doing so, became my voice of reason.
When Depression Speaks
As I would later learn, depression, anxiety and PTSD had re-programmed me through the software known as mental pain. So, here I was, infected with the most damaging virus I had ever encountered, didn’t have the defences to win the day, and was all out of ideas.
So, with a corrupted hard drive and an ever-accumulating roster of hard-on-the-head episodes, I made a decision.
“The hell with it!” I remember thinking, “I’ve always wanted a hybrid car, so, if I’m going to end it all, I might as well get want I want first.” See, when your mind is hijacked by mental illness, you make poor decisions. Sounded great at the time. This would explain why I felt so damn happy.
While it may seem reckless to someone who’s never suffered level-ten mental pain, to me it was the greatest decision I’ve made in years. Further, it’s oddly liberating when you’ve been convinced that your plans to end it all are final.
“I don’t care about buying it, I am not going to be here, so, who cares?” Funny what life can teach us.Tweet
Want to learn more about my journey to end it all and what took place that changed my fate? Order my book, The Road To Mental Wellness
What life can teach us
While you’ll have to buy my book to find out why I decided that suicide was my last resort, I can’t hide the fact that I am, thankfully, still here.
So, what can life teach us? Well, in short, lots. More specific than that, though, is that life comes in waves. Some of tidal proportions, some that hardly engulf your feet. Even still, the waters of life will become peaceful once more.
Is it storming but you really want to go to the beach? Weather the storm and you will live to enjoy the sunshine and serenity that comes with its beauty.
At the end of the day, what life can teach us is this: there will always be a brighter day. Weather the storm and you will have access to potential. Potential is an amazing force because it opens us up for new experiences, new connections. Some examples include: a potential new partner, a friendship or two that are authentic and cherished; another meal with family…the possibilities are endless.
Plus, when you survive, you have a chance to tick something off the old bucket list. That’s an amazing feeling. I know I get excited at the prospect of experiencing something I long to experience.
So, what can life teach you? Stick around and find out.
In crisis? Go to Crisis Services Canada