I don’t need anyone.

Because I have PTSD, I am always trying to protect myself from harm. One of the ways I do this is by saying “I don’t need anyone.” But is this true?

Jonathan Arenburg
Jonathan Arenburg

Jonathan is a mental health blogger, published author, and speaker. He has appeared in numerous newspapers and has been a guest on many podcasts.

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“I don’t need anyone.” A phrase that often echos in the hallways of my head. If you have PTSD, then this phrase may sound familiar? If so, this post can help you understand why it’s a re-occurring theme.

It’s worth noting that I don’t profess this article to be the case for you. It could be, but everyone is different. For example, the events in your life may have provided you with a different perspective. Therefore, I am attempting to resonate with those who have similar experiences. Below are some posts you might enjoy.

So, without further ado, let’s talk about why “I don’t need anyone.”

As mentioned above, I relate this thought from having PTSD. Post-traumatic stress is an interesting beast; it’s so problematic in fact, that I actively build defenses to keep me safe. And whether convincing myself that “I don’t need anyone” is true or not, I somehow feel safer running from it.

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While I recognize this approach to a potential partner as unhealthy, I still FEEL the need to protect myself. We, the traumatized, see the world as a threat – not good. Despite our logic knowing better, why risk it? Makes sense/no sense to me. If that makes any sense – HAHA!

So, why put myself in a position where there is potential for conflict, heartbreak, or even worse, abuse? Hence the statement “I don’t need anyone.”

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But….. is this really true that I don’t need anyone? let’s explore this notion.

In my latest post, Can you do it, I talk about the importance of connecting with people. I go further than that and suggest that our desire to seclude ourselves in our homes is bad for everyone’s mental health.

In the same vein, this need to “seclude” ourselves from a relationship is equally harmful. Only, in this scenario, it’s more harmful to ourselves; a kind of mental self-harm if I may say so.

In crisis? Got to Crisis Services Canada

In reality, we are wired for connection. We often do need someone in our lives. Now, many people do well going it on their own. However, the science seems to indicate that those who have strong connections live longer, have better mental health outcomes, and are happier.

A decades long study on happiness.

What makes a good life? Robert Waldinger discusses the results of a study on happiness that spanned 80 years.

So, while we can certainly make it on our own, connection seems to be the healthiest route. In other words, connection makes us happier, helps Our Mental Well-Being, and we live longer as a result.

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Essentially, what we are talking about is fear. Fear of the same, painful thing happening again. So then, could it be that when we say “I don’t need anyone,” we are really putting up walls?

Front and back cover of the road to mental wellness the book - Anchor Points - Lonely - 4 fundamentals for authentic love
Take a trip down my mental wellness road and find yourself as you learn to overcome your own life-long battle with mental illness. Lonely – 4 fundamentals for authentic love

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Categories: Mental Health, Opinion piece, PTSD, Road To Mental Wellness-the book, Therapy, Wellness Store

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