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I knew it years before the diagnosis

I was your atypical firefighter, in tough and in denial. I knew my injury was getting worse, but I was about to tell anyone that...... Until PTSD made it, so it was do or die. In fact, knew it years before the diagnosis

I was your typical firefighter, tough and in denial. I knew my injury was getting worse, but I wasn’t about to tell anyone that…Until PTSD made it, so it was do or die. In fact, I knew it years before the diagnosis

I would be lying to you all if I said I don’t think about my years in the fire service. Heck. as hard as I might try to deny it, I can’t even lie to myself. I miss it, some days more than others. Regardless of how intense the desire may be, the feeling is always there. I have my suspicions that a piece of me will always want to go toe to toe with the big red beast.

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However, the beast inside, the monster called PTSD , will never allow that want to be realized again. Besides, as much as I love the fire service, I hate it too…While this is the case, I feel like they run parallel with one another, rather than being a true contradiction.

In other words, I can feel both at the same time. Trust me, I know full well that my place is on the veteran list and not on the attendance sheet. A reality that I have only recently learned to be okay with. For if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that if I am to recover, I must be completely honest with myself.

“I had to get the truth out of myself”

When I first became symptomatic with PTSD, I knew it years before the diagnosis, and yet, I thought I could muscle my way through it. Let me tell ya, “current John” wishes he would have tapped out long ago. I can’t help but feel I would have been in a much better place.

  • I am who I am or am I?

    I am who I am or am I?

    I am who I am or am I? Can the way we define ourselves be confused for who we really are? Or are they simply defence mechanisms to guard our true selves?

  • surface level thinking

    Surface level thinking

    Can our tendency toward surface level thinking be hindering our mental illness recovery? Perhaps we need to dig deeper?

  • What's best for the people of our nation?

    What’s best for the people of our nation?

    I’m all for individualism, but can too much focus on the self be hurting you? furthermore, what’s best for the people of our nation?

  • I can see the light

    I can see the light!

    Finally, after all these years of fighting depression and PTSD, I can see the light. It may be a pin sized ray of light, but it’s a start.

  • woman holding her head

    My emotions devour my reason

    My emotions devour my reason. Here, I discuss one of the most necessary things for improving relationships and as well as your mental health.

  • If everyone had the skills of a therapist

    If everyone had the skills of a therapist

    If everyone had skills of a therapist, or at least some of them, I believe, the world would be a much better place. Here’s why?

  • Depression - an inflammatory disease?

    Depression – an inflammatory disease?

    Depression -an inflammatory disease? Could this prove once and for all that depression is not someone being lazy or ungrateful? It’s real!

  • How are you doing?

    How are you doing?

    Are you OK? No, seriously, how are you doing? Me? I instinctively bury it all. But at least it’s a healthy outlet? Even so, we need to heal.

  • It really is up to you

    It really is up to you

    It really is up to you to confront a problem head-on, reach out and build a support network that will help you heal. Be the help you need.

  • the need to set boundaries

    The need for boundaries.

    When people choose not to get back to you in an age where they saw your message, what does that say? The need to set boundaries is necessary?

  • Are you feeling hopeless?

    Are you feeling hopeless?

    Are you feeling hopeless? If so, maybe it’s time to join the battle for universal mental health care? We all need to be in this together.

  • How I help others

    How I help others

    How I help others needs to be a benefit to both myself and those who I am trying my best to help. That’s why one-on-one works best.

  • The sanctuary of earphones.

    The sanctuary of earphones.

    The sanctuary of earphones. If I didn’t have my earbuds, I’d fall victim to PTSD more often than I do. Pick up a pair today.

  • The need for neutrality

    The need for neutrality

    I have found that the need for neutrality when being online is the best approach for protecting one’s mental health.

  • I'm a superhero, somewhat

    I’m a superhero, somewhat

    I am a superhero, somewhat. Or am I? I know one thing PTSD has made me burn down some of the most important relationships in my life.

But – it’s true what they say, it is what it is. I’m glad I see it that way now, I’m glad I made it out alive, bashed and bruised, but alive.

Are you an emergency service worker, military member etc? Need peer support and a quiet place to stay for a reboot? Go to Rally Point Retreat in Lockport Nova Scotia.

Rally Point Retreat

Where I put my energy.

Today, my thoughts turn to those who now walk in the same bunker boots I wore – metaphorically speaking of course. I know there are many, holding it in, manning up and taking it home with them.

Me as 1st Company Lieutenant

Read, Emergency Service PTSD

Not only am I certain that this is the case, but I also know that many of them must know it too. Feeling heavy, brain-fogged and useless during or after a call? Time to get help. You may man-think you can handle the stress that is accumulating. Truth is, you have no real way of knowing, until itls nearly too late or you are injured to the degree that you have no choice but to leave your chosen service.

From my point of view, it’s better to seek the help of a mental-health care professional now before your mental strength is depleted to a degree that you can no longer get on the rig. Truly, early intervention is key for many.

Early signs of PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder)

Even though I knew it years before the diagnosis, I now know I waited waaaay too long… So please, don’t become me, living in a hell fire of nightmares, flashbacks, and an inability to tolerate the wider world’s noise and seemingly inconsiderate actions that produce, what is, to my brain, assaults on my feelings of safety and security. It really is a long way back down the road to mental wellness.

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