I am Injured

Today, I must come to accept that I am injured and may never see the working world as I knew it ever again.

Today, I find myself wrapped in a new heavy; one that comes from being on the cusp of a life change. Damn it, you, life! Although my battlefield record against mental illness is impressive, it is now starting to look like all I can do is hold its dark forces at bay. Have I hit the ceiling? What if this is the best I can do? Regardless, no matter what I threw at this dreaded PTSD, I always ended up being in the defensive.

Nonetheless, for years I was convinced that I would win the war on, not only PTSD, but depression too. Now, it’s looking less and less likely that I can. Don’t get me wrong; I’m far from surrendering. I just think it’s time to admit that the road to mental wellness will be forever uphill.

So, if I’m not giving up, than what the hell am I doing? Despite the vast array of weapons I have fired at mental illness, I haven’t found that “doomsday device” that would see the war come to a swift and concrete end. Whilr this is true, I will endeavour to find it.

How to best manage your mental health condition

For what seems like a century, I was one of the “go-getter” types – always happy to work and do it to the best of my ability. I’m sad to say, I loved it. Why do I say sadly? Well, frankly, because it has, at least in part, gotten me into the mental mess I am in today.

Nonetheless, I can’t tear out the pages of my fifteen years in the fire service, nor can I tape over my youth’s dream of working in long-term care. So, I must learn to shed the shame and embrace the consequences of my life choices, choices that led me straight down the road to mental illness.

Sure, I can say to myself “if I had only not become a firefighter,” as many times as I want, but what does that solve?? Nothing! Disappointing as it may be, I can’t change it. Rather, I must start to accept that my injury is too severe for me to be re-acquainted by the man I once knew.

Challenges of living with mental illness


And so, what does that leave me with? I think it gives me two things. One is the truth that I am injured and two, it only matters what I do right now. Therefore, I must continue to work with in the confines of my mental injury. In a bit to maintain some semblance of life, I will battle on by continuing to…

  • Force social contact
  • Exercise
  • Continue to work on improving my diet
  • Resting when I need to.
  • practice mindfulness
  • Refining my sleep schedule.
silhouette photography of man at beach during sunset
Photo by Jacub Gomez on Pexels.com
In episode two, season one of the #wellnesstalks, we discuss the two-tiered mental health care system and propose possible solutions to the shortages and the division that is caused by having both a public and private mental health care system. Please like and share if you feel that what we propose can be helpful.

Now is the only thing that matters, really. Even though this is true, I know it’s easier said than done. However, it can be done. Being present is a skill and like most skills, the more you practice them, the better at it you get.

And so, I find myself in a sort of maintenance mode where I can continue to live a life, albeit not at all the one I once knew. Am I okay with that? I guess I will have to be. If you are in a similar jam, you can re-invent yourself. What that looks like is up to you… Remember, “we have a choice where we put our energy.” You can make something else of yourself. 🙂

More about self-care here


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