Ode To Illness attempts to sum up how I battle my mental for my l health. While I may be debilitated at times, I will never relent to the dark forces that try to pin me down.
And with the kindness generosity of friends and loved ones, I will persevere because their love for me is like a super fuel. I know that my life is it part of theirs; intertwined and it’s important and with that is motivation, I shall survive.
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I’m fighting mental illness, the one choice; the choice of recovery, is moving forward. We all have something that we can cling to that can be used as a catalyst to propel us down the road to mental wellness.
Please, keep going! You are worth every moment that you were here to someone.
As I rose from yet another sleepless night, I was hit with an overwhelming feeling of anxiety. This seemingly out the blue spike in angst shot through me and in an instant, rendering me useless. Thankfully, I was able to knock it down a peg or two before it highjacked my entire day.
Even though I was able to defeat the demon within, at least for now, I was still left with why did it happen? My therapist tells me that trying to figure out its source is irrelevant; it’s more important that I focus on the “now” and working on ways to reduce its grip. By using therapeutic techniques like mindfulness I can get through most mental health-related incidents. But not always.
Having spent years in the fire service, I am primed to act, not just sit like some sort of spectator.
Despite what the therapist tells me, I have made it my life’s work to overthink and find solutions for everything that runs through my head. Fortunately for me, I didn’t have to obsess or consume my time trying to find its source. Rather, it found me. Usually uncovering the answer provides me with some relief; not so in this case.
So then, what set my anxiety ablaze? The answer is simple, Covid! Covid-19. Its everywhere and the fear it produces barrows it’s way into my head and becomes all-consuming. This virus is much more than a two-week fad on social media, in fact, it has been quoted as being the new normal, at least for the for seeable future.
I am anxious, not because of my anxiety disorder itself, but because, my PTSD has rendered me useless
If I were to be more specific about the source of my episode with angst, I would have to say that I’m impacted by two things. Firstly, I must confess that I am constantly being triggered by the bombardment of updates; the news constantly fuels my mental illness fire. Post-traumatic stress disorder hates this sort of stuff. Secondly, I am and always will be a helper. Thankfully, I am still able to help others in the capacity of a mental health blogger and advocate, which is I am grateful for. However, I am primed to act in times like these. My many years as a firefighter have conditioned me to be this way. Making order out of chaos is our specialty. Sadly, in my mind, these two factors have rendered me useless.
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