Why Am I Not Good Enough? Many ask themselves this every day, for years and years. It can be debilitating, low self-esteem but… it can be changed.Tweet
Why am I not good enough? This is a question I hear often. When I sit down one on one with people who seek my counsel, this phrase is often relayed in a soft, almost frustrating tone. My first thought when I hear it, is: “What’s driving his/her/ their statement?” So, after I listen to their story, I ask them.
I ask why they feel as if they are not good enough. I usually hear two common answers. Firstly, many people communicate this question because they have never felt good enough for any of their partners – a very disheartening place to be for most.
Secondly, some people have always had the life punched out of their self-esteem by their upbringing. When one is raised in a constantly critical environment, this can cultivate feelings of worthlessness, often giving rise to this question: “Why am I not good enough?”
While some may have some resilience to the impact of such a statement, many of us build negative self-scripts around it. For example, if one is constantly having their actions questioned and or criticized, it can expand the statement into others, just as damaging statements. Before one knows it, they are telling themselves, “I can’t do it!” or “I will never amount to anything.”
And… for those who seemingly end up with failed partnerships? Well, perhaps things keep going awry because they don’t quite believe in themselves to be a “worthy” partner. The phrase in their head? “I’m not good enough.”
However, when I get to know a person’s story better, what I often find is that they chose incompatible people as partners. Many seem to choose the same behavioural archetype. But why? Well, from what I can tell, it has a lot to do with how much they love themselves, or lack thereof.
The secret to improving our self-esteem? A good plan, followed by its implementation.
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Perhaps just as impactful, is something I have also heard often: many people tell me how they gave up their dreams for a partner who capitalized on their lack of confidence. Since that person has come and gone, they now define themselves based on the negativity surrounding that one relationship. Hence, they find someone similar, while at the same time, slowly losing hope that they will ever see their passions realized.
In other words, they are bright and have a burning desire to achieve a better life for themselves, but they sadly get stuck on that question “Why am I not good enough?” Years of falling in to the same thing as the last, with just a different face, can make one ask this question…. a lot. But here’s the good news, you are much more than you think you are. Here’s why. Remember, you can do something about it.
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Firstly, seek out the help of a good therapist. They can help you through many approaches like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Then, find a life coach to help you make a plan, guide you through it and help hold you accountable and motivated. No dream can be realized without a great plan and someone in your corner, cheering you on.
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So, say you always wanted to be a nurse. It will cost you absolutely nothing to ask yourself, “What do I have to do to get my nursing license?” A quick internet search can help point you in the right direction. So then, what’s next?
Want to pursue your dream job? Below, you can download my free action plan to get you started. Contact me if you are looking for someone to help you reach your goals.
Remember, a plan is only as good as the work you put into it. However, if you use it as your cornerstone for success and follow through with a plan, eventually your self- esteem will grow as you move forward towards the you you’ve always wanted to be.
“Remember, you are much more than you realize you are.”Jonathan Arenburg.