I shall fight on for my future, day by day, hour by hour – and if I must, moment by moment.
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Throughout my mental wellness journey, I have told myself that even if I have to crawl down the road to mental wellness, that’s what I shall do. And for as long as I have been going one-on-one with my own mind, I have always had a certain amount of determination.
Even now, I remain optimistic. Hopeful that I will one day live a life that is much more pain-free than what I am experiencing today.
However, it seems that at this juncture it would be premature to put away all the coping tools that I have at my disposal and say, “This is as good as it gets.”
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Unfortunately, in recent months, I found myself backing out of my own plan to forge ahead. This of course, defeats my intent to re-introduce myself into the public domain. And as if that weren’t bad enough, I have felt an undertone of anger and rage. Perhaps it’s the pandemic starting to wear me down? I don’t know – I think it may be coming to be too much.
While I believe this relapse to be real, what I know to be just as true, is this: “I shall fight on for my future. Even though mental illness may knock me to my knees at times, I still get back to my feet.
Not only will I continue to fight on for as long as it takes – I know I will win many battles, and with these victories will come periods of happiness and normality. To me, their duration is irrelevant; what is most important is that I make the best of them while they last.
Furthermore, I decided quite some time ago, that I would do my utmost to ensure that I don’t self-sabotage my moments of happiness. I could easily do this by becoming fixated on when the good times will end, rather than just living for the moment through mindfulness.
Read more stories from people struggling with their mental health: Sick Not Weak
Lastly, I shall fight for my future by continuing to do my best to focus on the moment. Because when you think of it, the past is an accumulation of everything that you have learned, and the future is uncertain. Therefore, it only leaves this very moment in time. The present is truly all we have. It’s this very fact that allows me to fight on, to not give up. I understand that ruminating on my mental pain prevents me from squeezing as much “happy” out of this life as I possibly can.
I truly believe that we are all more than what we think we are; we have the potential to be much better human beings and can experience happiness through purpose, action, and tenacity.
Jonathan Arenburg
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