Then, the what’s wrong scanner booted up. Have you ever gone along feeling mentally pain free then, BAM! you feel like you should worry, so then you do?Tweet
The night before last was jammed packed full of PTSD nightmares; Likely brought on by recent events. Earlier this month, one of my family members had a medical emergency. With that said, she is doing well now; a fact I am very grateful for.
However, my autopilot feature, a switch that makes us firefighters leap into action without a single thought to our own wellbeing; was stuck in the run position. Since my fire service days its become part of the way I deal. I guess, it was disengaged the other night because the terrors of the fire service played out in my slumber like some bad horror flick. As it turns out, it was a double feature, as one of many work related incidents aired just after. Of course, as you might well imagine, yesterday was a day full of flashbacks and rage.
A difference a Day makes.
Now, lets fast-forward to this morning, from the second I opened my eyes, I felt great! In fact, I felt so good that I felt a huge sense of relief and peace. And like basking in the warm sunlight, I soaked it all in.
Then, the what’s wrong scanner booted up. I know what the heck is a what’s wrong scanner? Well, It’s a feeling that my anxiety produces when it doesn’t detect something to worry about, kinda sad really. So, this morning’s moment of normality must have tripped it, my anxiety alarm. It seems I am conditioned to worry regardless if I need to or not.
Because it detected a bout of homeostasis, my anxious brain said; “what the… there must be something here to worry over?” Let me tell you, the second I thought that, a low grade worry popped out of nowhere. Yay, me!
Since the what’s wrong scanner kicked in, the dull ache of worry has, much to my dismay, persisted. Nonetheless, the takeaway here is; I have made myself aware of it. Although I really dislike the feeling of dread it produces, thankfully, I know how to fix it;