There, the “what’s wrong” scanner booted up. Have you ever gone along feeling mentally pain-free…and then, BAM! you feel like you should worry, so then you do?Tweet
The night before last was jam-packed full of PTSD nightmares, likely brought on by recent events. Earlier this month, one of my family members had a medical emergency. With that said, she is doing well now, a fact I am incredibly grateful for.
However, my autopilot feature – a switch that makes us firefighters leap into action without a single thought to our own well-being – was stuck in the “run” position. Since my fire service days, it’s become part of the way I deal. I guess it was disengaged the other night because the terrors of the fire service played out in my slumber like some bad horror flick. As it turns out, it was a double feature, as one of many work-related incidents aired just after. Of course, as you might well imagine, yesterday was a day full of flashbacks and rage.
A difference a Day makes.
Now, let’s fast-forward to this morning. From the second I opened my eyes, I felt great! In fact, I felt so good that I felt a huge sense of relief and peace. And like basking in the warm sunlight, I soaked it all in. I know – “What the heck is a ‘what’s wrong’ scanner?
Well, it’s a feeling that my anxiety produces when it doesn’t detect something to worry about, kinda sad really. So, this morning’s moment of normality must have tripped it, my anxiety alarm. It seems I am conditioned to worry regardless of if I need to or not.
Because it detected a bout of homeostasis, my anxious brain said, “What the… there must be something here to worry over?” Let me tell you, the second I thought that a low-grade worry popped out of nowhere. Yay, me!
Since the “what’s wrong” scanner kicked in, the dull ache of worry has, much to my dismay, persisted. Nonetheless, the takeaway here is: I have made myself aware of it. Although I really dislike the feeling of dread it produces, thankfully I know how to fix it: