My Darkest Moments

Trigger warning: This post, “My Darkest Moments,” contains content that may not be suitable for everyone.

What I have learned from my darkest moments in life is this: it’s never once been so dark that I wasn’t able to see at least some light. Maybe it was a small thing a friend did to make me laugh or a coffee with a loved one. Perhaps, it’s the beautiful view of the valley where I live or the big, beautiful bay of Fundy only moments away. Whatever the source, It can still be tough, but over time, I have learned to see the smallest amount of light and hold on to it.

Similarly, while I believe that the saying “It’s okay not to be okay” is a good benchmark, I want more. I am perpetually concerned that I will slip into the abyss forever if I don’t move past simply being “okay.”

Coping on the hardest days of mental illness.

Let’s face it, life is hard, not just for you or me, but for every single human being. Equally true is the sad reality that some make it through, while others succumb to the pain.

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There are, of course, myriad reasons why some people manage while others can’t find relief from their mental pain. Remember, pain is pain and it’s real. Thus, we need to take everyone seriously and with compassion.

In my darkest moments, the pain is so intense and has plagued me for so long that leaving the earthly plane starts to seem like the only viable pain reliever. Ultimately though, it’s the little slivers of light that permeate through the dark that lift me up and save me.

Need help? Checkout my Mental health resources page.

Over the years, I have come to understand that I am not the only person invested in my well-being. My loved ones have also emotionally invested in my survival.

What does this mean? Well, quite simply, I’m not the only one living my life. A perfect illustration of this is my children: they need their dad. Armed with this knowledge, they have become a source of light that saves me in my darkest moments.

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So, I follow the light, but I do so chasing it right here on earth, for it is the accumulation of these little rays of light that lead me out of the darkness.

What are your little rays of light?

If you are struggling, please go here for help: Crisis Services Canada


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Jonathan Arenburg

Jonathan Reginald-Nixon Arenburg (Born January 14, 1976) is a Canadian mental health blogger, speaker, and published author. Retired from the fire service and long-term care fields, he has written and self-published an autobiographical account of his life-long battle with anxiety, depression and more recently, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Titled, The Road To Mental Wellness, he wrote it for what he calls “therapeutic release.” He published it in hopes it would help others going through similar mental health conditions. The sales of The Road To Mental Wellness have been steady selling over 300 copies since its release on October 10, 2021(World Mental Health Day). Arenburg has also been involved in a collaborative publication Called Lemonade Stand Volume III, a book featuring 20 authors who bravely tell their stories of PTSD. All authors where from the military and or emergency services. Published by Joshua Rivedal and Kathleen Myers for the i’Mpossible project, a mental health advocacy organization. Jonathan has also appeared on several mental health podcasts including The Depression Files, A New Dawn, and The Above Ground Podcast Arenburg has also consulted with the Government of Nova Scotia and the Minister of Mental Health and Addictions, the Honorable Brian Comer and Candidates for the New Democratic Party of Canada, on improving the mental health care system in Canada. Additionally, Jonathan was recognized in The Nova Scotia Legislature by the Honorable, Chris Palmer, Kings-North MLA, for his Book, The Road To Mental Wellness, his fight to make the mental health care system better. In addition, Chis acknowledged the support he gives to others.

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