Robbed Me of My Joy

While I did my best to fight it, PTSD still robbed me of my joy.

Well, I’ve finally done it. I am now a published author – a goal I’ve had since I started blogging with The Road To Mental Wellness two years ago. While it feels good to have something off my bucket list, unfortunately, the joy would be short-lived.

But John, shouldn’t you be happy? Well, normally, yes and at first, I was over the moon. But as fate would have it, my PTSD would end up enslaving me deep inside myself – a dark place that always numbs me with indifference. Sadly, the book pre-order excitement would meet my mental-health condition at the intersection of my life.

While it may be difficult for the mentally well to understand, it nonetheless is a reality. For me, and I’m sure many other sufferers too, it’s not what we want, nor is it a choice we would have eagerly requested Yet here we are.

I am constantly exhausted and sleeping…. a lot.

I mean, who would want to be robbed of the joy that comes with accomplishment? You can call it what you will, I know it’s the potent combination of depression and post-traumatic stress disorder, robbing me of my joy.

The damage.

Of course, with anything in life, I faced consequences for such a combination. There’s the obvious downer, which is being robbed of the joy, in this case, realizing a dream of being a published author. But there are others. Take my personal life for instance; PTSD takes me out and makes me a passive observer in my own story. I know, shitty, right?

This scenario is pretty much where I am at now and for the last three or four days, I have sought refuge from the world in the safety of my bedroom – lasting only long enough outside its realm to promote the book and watch a bit of TV.

Front and back cover of the road to mental wellness - 8 sings your relationship is hurting your mental health.
Want to get the complete Audiobook version Free! Go to our Homepage and use the Scriber form to receive our newsletter. Boom the book is yours.

But what’s worse, is that this round of illness feels different for me and asking me to produce an answer will yield an “I don’t know”. What I do know is that I am short-tempered and nasty, level-ten nasty. And as if that weren’t enough, I am constantly exhausted and sleeping…. a lot.

Download the audiobook version of the book, The Road To Mental Wellness FREE (CH’s 1 through 5 Here)

Personally, what’s most problematic for me is the unintentional brunt that my family must bear because of it; I wish I could do better. Someday I shall.

There is something that keeps me going.

When I stop to reflect on this experience, even now, as I fight my way through it, I find myself embracing what I am able to accomplish. Despite being a recluse, even in my own home, I was still able to promote the book Lemonade Stand Vol. III. This, I can be grateful for and use it as a catalyst to move forward, even though PTSD has robbed me of my joy, which I shall overcome.

If you are struggling, please go here: Crisis Services Canada

Jonathan Arenburg

Jonathan Reginald-Nixon Arenburg (Born January 14, 1976) is a Canadian mental health blogger, speaker, and published author. Retired from the fire service and long-term care fields, he has written and self-published an autobiographical account of his life-long battle with anxiety, depression and more recently, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Titled, The Road To Mental Wellness, he wrote it for what he calls “therapeutic release.” He published it in hopes it would help others going through similar mental health conditions. The sales of The Road To Mental Wellness have been steady selling over 300 copies since its release on October 10, 2021(World Mental Health Day). Arenburg has also been involved in a collaborative publication Called Lemonade Stand Volume III, a book featuring 20 authors who bravely tell their stories of PTSD. All authors where from the military and or emergency services. Published by Joshua Rivedal and Kathleen Myers for the i’Mpossible project, a mental health advocacy organization. Jonathan has also appeared on several mental health podcasts including The Depression Files, A New Dawn, and The Above Ground Podcast Arenburg has also consulted with the Government of Nova Scotia and the Minister of Mental Health and Addictions, the Honorable Brian Comer and Candidates for the New Democratic Party of Canada, on improving the mental health care system in Canada. Additionally, Jonathan was recognized in The Nova Scotia Legislature by the Honorable, Chris Palmer, Kings-North MLA, for his Book, The Road To Mental Wellness, his fight to make the mental health care system better. In addition, Chis acknowledged the support he gives to others.

Please leave a comment and tell us what you liked about what you read.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.