Robbed Me of My Joy

While I did my best to fight it, PTSD still robbed me of my joy.

Well, I’ve finally done it. I am now a published author – a goalI’ve had since I started blogging with The Road To Mental Wellness two years ago. While it feels good to have something off my bucket list, unfortunately, the joy would be short-lived.

But John, shouldn’t you be happy? Well, normally, yes and at first, I was over the moon. But as fate would have it, my PTSD would end up enslaving me deep inside myself – a dark place that always numbs me with indifference. Sadly, the book pre-order excitement would meet my mental-health condition at the intersection of my life.

While it may be difficult for the mentally well to understand, it nonetheless is a reality. For me, and I’m sure many other sufferers too, it’s not what we want, nor is it a choice we would have eagerly requested Yet here we are.

I am constantly exhausted and sleeping…. a lot.

I mean, who would want to be robbed of the joy that comes with accomplishment? You can call it what you will, I know it’s the potent combination of depression and post-traumatic stress disorder, robbing me of my joy.

The damage.

Of course, with anything in life, I faced consequences for such a combination. There’s the obvious downer, which is being robbed of the joy, in this case, realizing a dream of being a published author. But there are others. Take my personal life for instance; PTSD takes me out and makes me a passive observer in my own story. I know, shitty, right?

Lemonade Stand: Vol III was written to help combat the stigma that often accompanies mental illness, best of all, it attempts to give all who served their countries and communities a voice.

This scenario is pretty much where I am at now and for the last three or four days, I have sought refuge from the world in the safety of my bedroom – lasting only long enough outside its realm to promote the book and watch a bit of TV.

Robbed me of my joy.

But what’s worse, is that this round of illness feels different for me, and asking me to produce an answer will yield an “I don’t know”. What I do know is that I am short-tempered and nasty, level-ten nasty. And as if that weren’t enough, I am constantly exhausted and sleeping…. a lot.

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Personally, what’s most problematic for me is the unintentional brunt that my family must bear because of it; I wish I could do better. Someday I shall.

Check out my first ever book publication; a project that I was a collaborator on –Lemonade Stand III; It’s available for pre-order today!

To read details about the book… go to The Road To Mental Wellness landing page, click here:

There is something that keeps me going.

When I stop to reflect on this experience, even now, as I fight my way through it, I find myself embracing what I am able to accomplish. Despite being a recluse, even in my own home, I was still able to promote the book Lemonade Stand Vol. III. This, I can be grateful for and use it as a catalyst to move forward, even though PTSD has robbed me of my joy, which I shall overcome.

If you are struggling, please go here: Crisis Services Canada

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Categories: Author, Book, Mental Health, PTSD


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