Then, there are those like me, stuck in a unique situation of medication purgatory. It seems that I am truly at a medication impasse. This intersection I have reached on the road to mental wellness is just fine with me; to be honest, this pharmaceutical rollercoaster ride is getting to be way too much.
I had to do whatever I had to so as to have the best chance at beating mental illness and putting myself on a path to healing.
Thankfully, there was one drug that showed some benefit, Sertraline. This med worked the best at keeping the suicidal thoughts at bay – which, in my estimation is a very big help. However, the only true effect I have is when it’s at max dose – 200mgs of “heavy” and sleepiness.
With pharmaceuticals, the risks vs benefits are always considering when arranging treatment. A little tired, by some symptoms, is okay by me, especially at this point. But now, there are only two options left – to continue to take part in therapy or do nothing. Of course, I will continue therapy but it feels, as time goes on, that I need to be near the functional end of this road to mental wellness.
Am I supposed to hang my head and give up? Absolutely not!
On the other hand, being at the end of the pharmaceutical leg of my journey isn’t all bad. Its been almost more debilitating than the battle with PTSD and coping with depression. I have spent half the journey missing out on life. Being so sedated, I missed out on so much, mainly time with my partner and experiencing quality time with my kids and parents.
The best way I can describe this near-constant sedation is: think back to a time when you had surgery and how you felt afterwards. Remember that tired and groggy feeling? That’s very close to how I felt, constantly. Sadly, I still do and will until I’m completely rid of this last drug.
Like what you are reading? go New Hope, a New Medication
So then, do I regret putting myself through the harrowing effects of every non-addictive SSRI going? Well, the short answer is no. A journey isn’t a journey if you remain idle so, I had to do whatever I had to, to have the best chance of beating mental illness and putting myself on a path to healing.
What to hear more stories of people battling their mental illness? Go to The Depression Files
My advice to people is this: if the mental illness has taken you hostage, the first thing you have to do is accept that the road back will not be a pleasant one. So, learn to accept being uncomfortable. More importantly, do not use these feelings of being uncomfortable to retreat. Real healing happens when you not only see the barriers in your way, but you actively seek ways to smash them down.
Learn to fight through the discomfort
So if meds don’t work for me, am I supposed to hang my head and give up? Absolutely not! If for whatever reason, I lose the opportunity to live a normal life, I will go down swinging. I went to war against my mental illness and therefore came armed for battle. Recently, I have gotten back in the gym and am making improvements to my diet. I know for a fact that optimal health does wonders for mental illness-related conditions.
Please, keep fighting and finding ways to win your war. You deserve to live. You are the warrior who can make that a reality. Even if it means we are sometimes missing out on life.
I want you to live: Go to Crisis Services Canada If you need help
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Contact: The Road To Mental Wellness