This post, Boxing Day Reflections, was written on Boxing Day, December 26, 2019
Wow, Christmas of 2019 has slipped into the history books, leaving a lifetime’s worth of memories in its wake. For me, time with friends and family is my most treasured gift. Although it’s only hours into the first day after the festivities, I have already begun to do some Boxing Day reflections.
Despite this, It’s hard to fathom just how fast it came and went; sometimes it feels like life is travelling at breakneck speed. Sad to say, it shows no signs of slowing down. All I want for next Christmas is more time with those I love.
Firstly, in order to accurately review the most wonderful day of the year, I need to go back in time. Approximately a month and a half to be precise. During this time, things were far from jolly. As you regular readers know, I went through one of the worst depressive episodes ever! One that I have not yet completely beaten.
The ferocity of this mind-numbing mental-illness storm robbed me of the ability to feel any joy. So, when the Christmas Day countdown commenced, my soul took a further beating from the sadness that compounded on top of pre-existing “sad.” I fell deeper into the depths of despair because I love the holidays but this year, love just wasn’t enough.
Winning the big day!
Those who know me – and no doubt, those of you who have followed me from the beginning – know that I live off one single philosophy: don’t feel like doing something because of mental illness? Do it anyway.
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Although this was a monumentally tough thing to do this Christmas, forcing myself to live life paid off. Looking back on it now, I have absolutely zero regrets.
I’d be lying if I said I awoke on the big day feeling as though my depression was snow and somehow melted away Christmas Eve while I slept – leaving me feeling the joy and excitement that this day usually produces for me.
Despite not feeling the spirit of the season, I got out of bed determined to catalogue wonderful memories that were just hours away from being made.
The hustle and bustle of the day were a perfectly good distraction from my PTSD and depression. There was so much that needed to be done that it helped to take the edge off the angst and other symptoms.
Looking after the logistics of the day turned out to be a great thing for me. It set the tone for the day, and by the time family arrived, there was a small spark of excitement, just enough to win the day.
Forge memories that last a life time
Looking back, I am grateful for that spark because it propelled me forward and made family time around the tree amazing. Finally, I could feel again. The laughter and pure joy that comes with gift-giving and time spent with loved ones were like the best medication of all.
So, there’s power in pushing through it. As long as you take time in those moments to feel the magic of your loved ones around you, the ice of your ills will melt and memories will be made. Was it tough? You bet ya! But, now that I am emerging on the other side of this holiday, I can say that I have walked through the biggest depressive episode of my life. In doing so, I got to a place where I was able to forge memories that will last a lifetime.
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