I Feel Nothing For Christmas

Christmas is traditionally my favourite time of the year… So what’s happened?

Just this week, I have started to snap out of a depressive episode that lasted for over a month. It was so severe, in fact, that I seldom left my bedroom, let alone my home. Unfortunately, a residual side effect of this episode is that I feel nothing for Christmas.

Even though the mental illness storm is starting to lift and I’m able to venture into the real world once more, I am surprised to discover I that I feel, well, I feel nothing.

If there was a way to measure the pulse of emotion, I’m certain that mine would be mostly a flat line with the occasional beep of short-lived joy.

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This is new to my experience. I can’t recall a time where I was meh about everything. A fact that I’m very troubled by, for sure. I guess one could say that I feel indifferent. I am frightened by the fact that I feel nothing for Christmas

Sadly, my love for Christmas is not immune to this monotone phenomenon. It may sound a little cliche but it’s traditionally the most wonderful time of the year for me. I have spent the majority of life putting family first. We are all on borrowed time, so naturally, when this time of year rolls around, I’m filled with excitement.

For many, simply going through the motions makes how they already feel worse.

Christmas can be very taxing on people mentally. The stress of the holidays accumulates and as it does, it robs many of the joy they are supposed to feel. I don’t even feel that. Stress is not a factor this year. I guess I can thank the lack of feeling for that. Good and bad in everything they say.

Ways to minimise stress during the holidays when you have depression.

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I have, however, made up my mind that this numbing feeling is only temporary, and I will, like with many of my darkened days, get to the other side of it. For that is my resolve.

For many, simply going through the motions makes how they already feel worse. But is pushing yourself to get through the season really such a bad thing? In my view, it’s the right thing to do. You have only two courses to take in this situation; you can plug away at it and get through it or you can remove yourself from it. The latter is definitely less helpful.

Personally, because I feel nothing for Christmas, doesn’t mean I’ll let it be ruined.

I’m not suggesting that you ignore how you are feeling. and abandon your need for self-care. Rest when you need to and remove yourself if it gets to be too much. What I’m suggesting is that you are mentally pace yourself so you can make the most of the big day. This is my plan. I know that my mental health is such that I can’t immerse myself in all that hustle and bustle so I do what I can and make no apologies for it.

So, why do I think it’s fundamental to crawl your way through it? Because if you do, it gives you the opportunity to have a moment where the dark is lifted, the pain is subsided and you form memories that last a lifetime.

Personally, I’ll be dammed if I allow this lack of feeling to take out the first Christmas, I’m indifferent about. I will solider on because I will increase my odds of being reunited with my love for the season. If this happens, that’s all I will truly want for Christmas this year.

Jonathan Arenburg

Jonathan Reginald-Nixon Arenburg (Born January 14, 1976) is a Canadian mental health blogger, speaker, and published author. Retired from the fire service and long-term care fields, he has written and self-published an autobiographical account of his life-long battle with anxiety, depression and more recently, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Titled, The Road To Mental Wellness, he wrote it for what he calls “therapeutic release.” He published it in hopes it would help others going through similar mental health conditions. The sales of The Road To Mental Wellness have been steady selling over 300 copies since its release on October 10, 2021(World Mental Health Day). Arenburg has also been involved in a collaborative publication Called Lemonade Stand Volume III, a book featuring 20 authors who bravely tell their stories of PTSD. All authors where from the military and or emergency services. Published by Joshua Rivedal and Kathleen Myers for the i’Mpossible project, a mental health advocacy organization. Jonathan has also appeared on several mental health podcasts including The Depression Files, A New Dawn, and The Above Ground Podcast Arenburg has also consulted with the Government of Nova Scotia and the Minister of Mental Health and Addictions, the Honorable Brian Comer and Candidates for the New Democratic Party of Canada, on improving the mental health care system in Canada. Additionally, Jonathan was recognized in The Nova Scotia Legislature by the Honorable, Chris Palmer, Kings-North MLA, for his Book, The Road To Mental Wellness, his fight to make the mental health care system better. In addition, Chis acknowledged the support he gives to others.

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