Fearful of the Future.

The Road To Mental Wellness > Mental Health > Fearful of the Future.

As I get further away from the life I once knew, I become more fearful of the future.

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As time puts distance between where I am today and the life I lived for twenty years, my uncertainty grows. Running parallel to this uncertainly is a feeling of being fearful for the future. Once I was diagnosed with PTSD and the compensation was approved, I was freed up to think about tomorrow. So,, what does my future hold in store for me? A question that wreaks havoc with my anxiety.

Although a long way off from having to come up with an answer, I find myself entertaining it, a lot.

I guess one could say I am putting the cart before the horse. Maybe that’s true but, nonetheless, as time goes on I feel more and more useless. I have spent my entire life off-the-wall busy – now, there are many days where I find it a chore to look at my phone. How does one deal with such a drastic turn? As discouraged as I am, I still fight on.

I am trying to wiggle my way out and run towards some semblance of joy.

During this turbulent time, I will find the answers I seek, but first, I must get well – get strong enough to cope with the symptoms of trauma and its accompanying depression. Even though I know I have to continue the fight, I feel more and more like an astronaut, free-floating through the vastness of space. I don’t know where to turn. All I’m doing is hurling towards nothing.

Not only do I feel like I am heading towards nothing, but I also feel nothing. For the best part of a month, depression has held me in its unforgiving grip. Though it has loosened somewhat, I am trying to wiggle my way out and run towards some semblance of joy.

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This is a road that I have been down before, and its old hat for me, really. I am willing to bet that many of you have also felt the invisible weight of a depressive episode. Having suffered for years is how I know that episodes of mental pain come to an end, eventually. Even so, I can’t seem to be fearful for the future

How to get through a depressive episode.

This unequivocal fact is what keeps me holding on while I ride the wave. I find it very useful to give myself permission to rest for ten to forty minutes a day on my bed in absolute silence. This will keep the dark at bay for most of the day. It’s important to understand that giving in to the pain and staying in bed is very dangerous to one’s mental health, so try to limit your time.

The most important thing here is that we have too much to live for to stop searching for the answers…… Even when we are fearful of the future

Also, I have found that it’s important to celebrate your successes, no matter how small. So if that means you are able to go to from the bed to the couch, then, that’s amazing. It’s a huge win because depression makes it feel like the easiest tasks seem like the most difficult.

I may have huge concerns about what my future will look like but if I remain fixated on them, how can I get better? It will simply add another dimension that hinders the healing process.

That’s why being mindful in the moment is so essential. Mindfulness can help us stay in the moment and if practiced, it becomes more and more automatic. Getting better is where we need to put our energy. If we continue to fixate on the future with fear, it leaves little room to worry about the now. What do I do about what’s right in front of me? For example, am I currently anxious or I am feeling depressed at present?

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There are a lot of different psychotherapy options out there, including therapy centred around mindfulness. Personally, I am a huge advocate of multiple approaches. Taking part in yoga or meditation classes can help to center you in on the now and may even alleviate your mental pain.

The bottom line? We need to get better, and that means we must stay focused and deal with the mental illness or illnesses we have been inflicted with. Sometimes, one option isn’t enough. Sometimes we need to take a holistic approach to healing. The most important thing here is that we have too much to live for to stop searching for solutions in the right here, the right now…… Keep going.

if you are suffering from PTSD or another mental illness, please reach out. I thank you for your service and you are still worthy and mean something. I believe in you!
If you are struggling, please go here: Crisis Services Canada

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Jonathan Arenburg

Jonathan Reginald-Nixon Arenburg (Born January 14, 1976) is a Canadian mental health blogger, speaker, and published author. Retired from the fire service and long-term care fields, he has written and self-published an autobiographical account of his life-long battle with anxiety, depression and more recently, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Titled, The Road To Mental Wellness, he wrote it for what he calls “therapeutic release.” He published it in hopes it would help others going through similar mental health conditions. The sales of The Road To Mental Wellness have been steady selling over 300 copies since its release on October 10, 2021(World Mental Health Day). Arenburg has also been involved in a collaborative publication Called Lemonade Stand Volume III, a book featuring 20 authors who bravely tell their stories of PTSD. All authors where from the military and or emergency services. Published by Joshua Rivedal and Kathleen Myers for the i’Mpossible project, a mental health advocacy organization. Jonathan has also appeared on several mental health podcasts including The Depression Files, A New Dawn, and The Above Ground Podcast Arenburg has also consulted with the Government of Nova Scotia and the Minister of Mental Health and Addictions, the Honorable Brian Comer and Candidates for the New Democratic Party of Canada, on improving the mental health care system in Canada. Additionally, Jonathan was recognized in The Nova Scotia Legislature by the Honorable, Chris Palmer, Kings-North MLA, for his Book, The Road To Mental Wellness, his fight to make the mental health care system better. In addition, Chis acknowledged the support he gives to others.

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