Fearful of the Future.

As I get further away from the life I once knew, I become more fearful of the future.

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As time puts distance between where I am today and the life I lived for twenty years, my uncertainty grows. Running parallel to this uncertainly is a feeling of being fearful for the future. Once I was diagnosed with PTSD and the compensation was approved, I was freed up to think about tomorrow. So,, what does my future hold in store for me? A question that wreaks havoc with my anxiety.

Although a long way off from having to come up with an answer, I find myself entertaining it, a lot.

I guess one could say I am putting the cart before the horse. Maybe that’s true but, nonetheless, as time goes on I feel more and more useless. I have spent my entire life off-the-wall busy – now, there are many days where I find it a chore to look at my phone. How does one deal with such a drastic turn? As discouraged as I am, I still fight on.

I am trying to wiggle my way out and run towards some semblance of joy.

During this turbulent time, I will find the answers I seek, but first, I must get well – get strong enough to cope with the symptoms of trauma and its accompanying depression. Even though I know I have to continue the fight, I feel more and more like an astronaut, free-floating through the vastness of space. I don’t know where to turn. All I’m doing is hurling towards nothing.

Not only do I feel like I am heading towards nothing, but I also feel nothing. For the best part of a month, depression has held me in its unforgiving grip. Though it has loosened somewhat, I am trying to wiggle my way out and run towards some semblance of joy.

This is a road that I have been down before, and its old hat for me, really. I am willing to bet that many of you have also felt the invisible weight of a depressive episode. Having suffered for years is how I know that episodes of mental pain come to an end, eventually. Even so, I can’t seem to be fearful for the future

How to get through a depressive episode.

This unequivocal fact is what keeps me holding on while I ride the wave. I find it very useful to give myself permission to rest for ten to forty minutes a day on my bed in absolute silence. This will keep the dark at bay for most of the day. It’s important to understand that giving in to the pain and staying in bed is very dangerous to one’s mental health, so try to limit your time.

The most important thing here is that we have too much to live for to stop searching for the answers…… Even when we are fearful of the future

Also, I have found that it’s important to celebrate your successes, no matter how small. So if that means you are able to go to from the bed to the couch, then, that’s amazing. It’s a huge win because depression makes it feel like the easiest tasks seem like the most difficult.

I may have huge concerns about what my future will look like but if I remain fixated on them, how can I get better? It will simply add another dimension that hinders the healing process.

That’s why being mindful in the moment is so essential. Mindfulness can help us stay in the moment and if practiced, it becomes more and more automatic. Getting better is where we need to put our energy. If we continue to fixate on the future with fear, it leaves little room to worry about the now. What do I do about what’s right in front of me? For example, am I currently anxious or I am feeling depressed at present?

Front and back cover of the road to mental wellness - 8 sings your relationship is hurting your mental health.
Find out more below – Written for therapeutic release, published in hopes it helps you.

Checkout Nova Scotia wants to fix mental health

There are a lot of different psychotherapy options out there, including therapy centred around mindfulness. Personally, I am a huge advocate of multiple approaches. Taking part in yoga or meditation classes can help to center you in on the now and may even alleviate your mental pain.

The bottom line? We need to get better, and that means we must stay focused and deal with the mental illness or illnesses we have been inflicted with. Sometimes, one option isn’t enough. Sometimes we need to take a holistic approach to healing. The most important thing here is that we have too much to live for to stop searching for solutions in the right here, the right now…… Keep going.

if you are suffering from PTSD or another mental illness, please reach out. I thank you for your service and you are still worthy and mean something. I believe in you!
If you are struggling, please go here: Crisis Services Canada

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Jonathan Arenburg

Jonathan Arenburg is a mental health blogger, S speaker, writer, and published author; He is also the host of the mental wellness podcast, #thewellnesstalksHe has also appeared in the i'Mpossible's Lemonade Stand III. He has also been a contributing writer for Mental health talk, a column in his local paper. In addition, he has also written for the mental health advocacy organization; Sick Not Weak.Jonathan has also appeared on several mental health-related podcasts Including: A New Dawn, The Depression Files, Books and Authors, and Men Are Nuts. Since being put off work because of PTSD, Jonathan has dedicated his time to his mental wellness journey while helping others along the way.Educated as an addictions' counsellor, he has dedicated most of his professional life of eighteen years, working with those who have intellectual disabilities, behavioural challenges, and mental illness.He has also spent fifteen years in the volunteer fire service helping his community.His new book (2021), “The Road To Mental Wellness,” goes into detail about his life-long battle with depression, anxiety and more recently, PTSD. In it, he hopes to provide insight on how mental illness cultivates over a lifetime and, if not recognized and treated, how it impacts the entirety of one's life; right from childhood into the adult years. Jonathan lives with his two children in Nova Scotia, Canada.

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