After a long experiment with different medications, I have to close this chapter and go with what I am left with.
If you visit The Road To Mental Wellness regularly, you may have come across a post or two that talked about my unique challenges surrounding medications. For those of you who haven’t I’ll give you a quick run down.
Since November of last year, I have been seeing a wonderful psychiatrist who has been working diligently to find a pharmaceutical treatment that will quiet my symptoms of PTSD, depression and anxiety. I am grateful that there is someone advocating for me with such a desire to want to help.
What makes my challenge a unique one is a pre-existing medical condition. I have a seizure disorder called epilepsy. To be more specific about the difficulties it brings, it’s not the disorder in itself, it’s the medication to prevent the seizures.
I will mentally make a list of all the grateful things that have come out of this experience.
This story is a good-news, bad-news type of story. The good news is actually great news for me. Since I have been treated with this med, a drug called Carbamazepine, it has helped me remain seizure-free since 1994, a fact I am still very grateful for. It has meant the difference between living a normal, meaningful life and carving out a world dictated by disease.
With that being said, not all hope was lost. I was happy to hear that despite the unique position I was in, there were a few options we could try. This news was a huge relief for me because I desperately needed something to dull the fear, sleepless nights and nightmares.
I accepted all the medications that were offered, hoping against hope that with every new prescription came a potential that I could get my life back. But, to no avail, they either did nothing for me or made me so tired I couldn’t function.
Losing really isn’t an option for me
Here we are, at an impasse. We have reached the end of the line, pharmaceutically speaking. There’s no doubt that, although I’m not surprised, I nonetheless was saddened by the news.
Never one to give up easily, I brushed aside the feelings of disappointment. I am determined to carry on. I know that there are many more options out there. I can improve my diet and exercise more, for starters.
So, what does this mean for me? Well, first off, I will mentally make a list of all the grateful things that have come out of this experience. To give you an idea of what gratitude looks like for me, see the list below.
- I had been put on a medication they may not hamper drug treatment options but has allowed me to live my life and do many wonderful things.
- I have an excellent psychiatrist who has truly exhausted all options and has been a stellar advocate for me.
- Despite the feelings of lonely and isolation, I have a wonderful support system that ranges from close friends and family to all the mental-health and other agencies that have supported me.
- I know for a fact that there are other options.
Losing really isn’t an option for me. When I review my own reasons to be grateful, it helps me carry on. So, if you’re feeling the weight of despair and feel like you’re getting nowhere, write down all the great things that are in your life. You may be surprised to see just how far you’ve come, how strong you are, and who cares when the chips are down.
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