When caught in the undertow of depression, underestimating the wave of depression can leave you down and out.
You ever had such a strong depressive episode that it takes a supreme effort just to look at a notification on your phone? If you have, you are aware of the waves that can sometimes overtake us. That’s what I have done. I am so used to the ups and downs of my mental-health condition that, like that of a weather satellite, I can predict the outcome of the said wave with a high degree of accuracy.
Normally, I have no issue giving myself permission to retreat, letting the symptoms of PTSD and depression work themselves out. Now, I have gotten to a point where I am only at its mercy. But I am on day three now and If I didn’t have to leave the house today, I wouldn’t. It mentally aches to even think about going out the door.
Read more on depression and energy levels here
Although this spidey sense of mental health has proven to be an invaluable tool in the fight to keep me on the road to mental wellness, every now and again the radar just isn’t working the way it should.
“My depressive state was likely brought on by the post-traumatic flashbacks“.
I could feel its heavy dread start to bear down on me over the past week and a half, and as I felt its weight, I knew I was becoming increasingly symptomatic. This heavy dread can only mean I am falling into a low depression.
I knew it started a week and a half ago because my sleep became less, my startle response became as sensitive as a tuning fork, and every little sound grated on my nerves. Sadly, this puts all my loved ones on eggshells; my lack of tolerance peaks at a two out of ten. Before you know it, I am cranking at everyone over everything. Underestimating the wave of depression can really cause chaos.
All of the before-mentioned symptoms are sadly nothing new. What I hadn’t encountered in a long time was the degree in which they would have control over me. It hasn’t been this rough for months. I was so despondent that I cancelled all my appointments but one. I slowly made a retreat for the bedroom more often, and my energy is barely peaking past a two. I feel like a fool, underestimating the wave of depression
My depressive state was likely brought on by the post traumatic flashbacks I was experiencing around this two-week time frame. However, upon reflecting on this wave that I had underestimated, I can be grateful for a few things. I did see it coming and have tried hard to employ the mindfulness tools that I have learned in therapy; they did get me through some harrowing moments. Finally, I am seasoned enough to know that this will pass, and calmer, happier times lie ahead of me.
if you are suffering from PTSD or another mental illness, please reach out. I thank you for your service and you are still worthy and mean something. I believe in you!If you are struggling please go here: Crisis Services Canada
Want help fund my book? donate GOFundMe – The Road To Mental Wellness – The book.
Trauma Specialist, Dr. Jeffery Hosick: jeffreyhosick.com
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