In the last blog post, Mental Health Assessment: A tale of strength, I discussed how monumentally difficult it was to put myself through all those mentally draining assessments. I also wrote how I am very happy that I put myself through it. I was giving the demons inside my head a name. Identifying them was necessary if I was to win the war that has raged on for what seems like an eternity.
Eventually, I settled back into reality enough to drive myself home; from there, I went straight to bed. I could handle the world no more. Upon awaking I remember just repeating the words, “I have PTSD” over and over in my head.
I honestly thought that confirmation would have made things easier, I would now qualify for WCB and I could finally start to head down the road to mental wellness but I didn’t feel better, in fact, I hunkered down into the safety of my own home for weeks, only going out if absolutely necessary.
Depression blanketed me with a weight that I had never felt before, so heavy that I was void of feeling, love, joy or hate, everything just stopped.
The only thing that didn’t change was the logical side of my mind, it took a few days off but eventually reported for duty and decided that no matter what happens, how bad things got, I would persevere and win my life back. Writing has been key to carrying on.
Moral of the story? Take the time you need to grieve then do whatever it takes to kick your mental illness’s ass. It will always feel like you are doing it on your own but You’re not, we are here for you.
if you are suffering from PTSD or another mental illness, please reach out. I thank you for your service and you are still worthy and mean something. I believe in you!
If you are struggling please go here: Crisis Services Canada