The Great Brain Invader MDD

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My diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder, MDD as it is sometimes called, is the disorder I write about the least. Why? Well I’m not sure really; perhaps it’s because it is so deeply ingrained in the other two disorders, Post-traumatic stress disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder that it can either make me susceptible at any given moment and thereby making it easier to be triggered or it can swoop in the aftermath, taunting me like a child who likes to poke the bear and get his or her siblings going, loves to see the results and making their siblings cry. A devious sibling can make any moment worse. That’s my depression.

Click the links for more on Post-traumatic stress disorder and major depressive disorder.
It can oftentimes be hard to extricate MDD from the other mental disorders because, for me anyway, the source can be ambiguous. For example, when something sets off my PTSD triggers, I disassociate, feel numb to my core and every little bang and sudden noise evokes a sudden startle response. All of these symptoms I have experienced so many times that it drawls the dark curtain over my head leaving me in a state of deep sadness, a sad that boils up from some psychological cavern deep within.

Sometimes, the darkened dust of depression settles in when I am symptomatic, having continual flashbacks or when I am hyper-vigilant. When this occurs, let’s say after I have been continuously startled, the powers of depression force their way into the moment simply because I’m mentally played out from the frequency of being triggered.

PTSD and its symptoms

Major Depressive Disorder, the great brain invader’s symptoms linger long after the Post-traumatic episodes have passed, leaving me feeling like a failure, a burden to others, especially as time passes and relief is slow. My energy depleted, I struggle with motivation and self-confidence. But, what I know is this: In an hour, half-day, or tomorrow the overwhelming ocean that its depression will recede and I will once again be recharged and fit to take on the world.

 So, please don’t use up what little energy you have on all the dark days you’ll see, because they will come again,  instead, choose to put your focus on the now and the fact that you have had awesome days in the past. Those good days, they will also come again.

Want more? Please go to my Books On Mental Illness Page.

You may also enjoy: But a Mere Crawl: Slowly making my way towards mental wellness.

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