Spontaneous Mental Combustion

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In recent times, My mind has semi-surrendered to the depression and PTSD, preferring the darkness and safety of the only place I feel safe, my home. That said, I refuse to fall, to be destroyed by the pain that lurks so deep I sometimes struggle to see a day when  I am strong enough make it back to the point where I can live again.

The damned thing about this mental illness thing is that I am subject to what I call episodes of spontaneous mental combustion. Perhaps you have experienced something very similar to this particular symptom of mental illness. 
So, what do I mean when I say spontaneous mental combustion?  I view it as an out of the blue mystery feeling of dread, worry and or feelings of heavy, accompanied by a case of lonely. When I am stricken with, what oftentimes morphs into a mental health “down” the day I oftentimes struggle to know its source. Where did it come from? This very question amplifies the symptoms of my mental health condition because my mind allows it to take centre stage as a result,  it spits out the same old line over and over in my head.

This is yet another thing that I have to contend with and I would not all be surprised to hear that many of you also experience this too. I have concluded that the best approach to minimizing the perpetual playback of this question, is to embrace the down day and not give this question any more fuel for the mental illness fire, the question being; where did the sudden onset of my symptoms come from?

For me, embracing them simply means that I attempt to extinguish the question by telling myself that the source is irrelevant. If the source can not be identified, then what’s the benefit of being obsessed over it? Does it make it better or worse to think about it? From my perspective, obsessing over it has seldom if ever worked out in my flavour.

It’s all fine and dandy to write it off as irrelevant but this falls into the category of easier said than done. So, how do I minimize the tendency to seek answers for its source? I use a technique I am learning in therapy. It’s called mindfulness. See below to see learn about mindfulness.

What is mindfulness?

Mindfulness attempts to keep you in the present by focusing on the now. I have found that giving attention to my surroundings, for example, helps to steer my mind away from insisting it finds the origins of my mental anguish. This is an ongoing exercise in therapy and it helped so much. I can’t permanently erase thoughts like the one we have discussed because they will naturally pop in my head, I just have to refocus on the present and keeping doing so until the feelings that produce a down day let up and finally they pass.

if you are suffering from PTSD or another mental illness, please reach out. I thank you for your service and you are still worthy and mean something. I believe in you!

If you are struggling please go here: Crisis Services Canada

Want help fund my book? donate: GOFundMe – The Road To Mental Wellness – The book

Contact me on my Facebook page: facebook.com/TRTMW

Check out my friend’s blog here: sicknotweak.com

You may also Enjoy: Mindfulness And Being Present

Pics courtesy of  Pixabay

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