Sparring With Anxiety

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It is said that we accumulate wisdom as we age. I tend to think, for me at least that this is indeed the case. That being said, I acquired this wisdom by embarking on a personal journey to discover my authenticity, my true self that, up until recent history, I had seldom given it a thought. Maybe it’s because I’ve been sparring with anxiety.

After my first mental boxing match with, mental illness had successfully beaten me down after several rounds, I was forced to admit defeat. But like any determined fighter, I worked hard to discover, not only my own weaknesses but also, those of my opponent.

allowed my mental disorders to keep knocking me down, round after round.

When I first started to fight back, I, well, frankly; I sucked at it and like many young people, I thought I was indestructible, that nothing could whoop my ass. So my young self, naive and out of touch with, not only my illnesses but was also a stranger to my true self. I was nothing more than a template that society had formed and moulded.

Get a job, get married, buy a house, you know the drill. I didn’t seem to fit the mould of social expectation and my anxiety hated the “me” that was nothing but a factory model of thousands that had come before and after me. My young self was ill-equipped to deal with the mental illnesses storm that was on the horizon. My coping tool? Tuck and roll and plow through it. We are not allowed to seek shelter from our “perfect life,” So I allowed my mental disorders to keep knocking me down, round after round.

Slowly, I was enveloped by anxiety and depression. It would take tens years to win the fight but up until then, it didn’t only whip my ass, it knocked me out cold. Sad, I had waited until I hit the canvas and ended up in a mental health crisis before I was forced to take a look at why I was losing the war.

I started knocking mental illness to its knees.

The more I got defeated, the more I hit the mat, the more I was forced to get to know who I was as a person and the force that ruled over my life.

Despite losing match after match, I kept right on sparring with my anxiety and depression until I could predict their moves and exploit their weakness.

My, Breaking away from what’s expected and learning to love and accept that I have a sensitive disposition, am a helper to my core and live off compassion. I love being creative and believe that love is the life force in all of us. Once I gave myself permission to explore the real me, I started knocking mental illness to its knees.

In my wisdom, I know that I will always have to fight on and that I will win some days and lose others but because I am edging closer and closer to my authenticate self, sparring with my anxiety and depression is taken on with more vigour and determination than ever.
To learn how you can manage anxiety and depression click here: LifeStyle Changes That Help Anxiety And Depression.
If you are suffering from PTSD, please reach out. I thank you for your service and you are still worthy and mean something. I believe in you!
If you are struggling please go here: Crisis Services Canada
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2 thoughts on “Sparring With Anxiety

  1. \”Get a job, get married, buy a house, you know the drill.\” I get that on so many levels. That is exactly the path I followed – what I wanted was featured no where in there. Ended up I didn't get married, not my decision, but still. Same path, same rat race. Thank you for sharing this John. We all need to keep fighting every day!

  2. Thank you for taking the time to read my post(s). I found that I was not mentally cut out for all the unrealistic social expectations, something had to give and I refused to bend to it's will

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